Tucked Safely In Jackson

Thank you for the smile on my face and the kindness in you. Thank you for the absolutely genuine sweet man that you are. I am impressed with you and the quiet strength you have.

It is rare that I am at a loss for words, but when it comes to writing about you, or telling people about you - I hesitate...wanting the smile I have and feelings inside to be mine alone.....

So, for all of you who log on to see where in the world I am this week....I am tucked safely in Jackson....Tennessee - with a man who makes me smile....and believe again.

xoxo,

Bug

Merry Christmas From Our House to Yours

At Home With My Family

Hi All - I am at home with my family and it feels good. We are out to run an errand while my daddy is at church. He is getting a new flat screen t.v. - hope he will like it.

xoox,

Bug

P.S. If you are reading this from Savannah - then I am thinking of you especially....right now.

Vignettes

This post is for me. It is just to remind me of the softness of love. It is to remind me to believe and to trust. These are photographs from the last time love and happiness were in my life.

Next week I have to take a few bricks away from the wall I have around me. I have to take a chance and step forward and it scares me. I pretend to be witty and bold, but it is just a front...like the way a bird puffs itself up to appear larger and more colorful.

You see, I am afraid of the unknown, I fear rejection a great deal. Meeting someone new is as intimidating to me right now as the thought of standing naked on Peachtree Street. I feel like I am exposing myself before I am ready to. I like hiding here and being safe. No one to hurt me or cause my heart to hope. I like the safety of one, I trust only myself.

But then there is this girl in me who wants to peek around the corner and see what might be waiting for me....so I will take these few steps forward and try to trust in what might be ahead...

xoxo,

Bug

Photo's Are Up

Before I head out to do errands and finalize details to clear my way for 2007, I wanted to let you know that I have posted my photographs from my trip on my photo site. Hope you enjoy!

http://www.ladybugpics.shutterfly.com

xoxo,
Bug

Tired...

I had a pretty busy day yesterday..and a rainy one at that...we were not returning home until 2:30 a.m. as one of Steve's godchildren, Laurent was playing at a local club here in Paris just off the Champs Elysees.

Since the drinking age here is 18, but no one checks anyway all the kids inside seemed to me to look about 12...and I felt like an old lady (well, an old lady with a much sexier body and better dance moves ;-) than the quasi-anorexic trend here in Paris...there were too many girls with protruding shoulder blades for my tastes...made me want to wrap them up and bring them home for some soup and to tell them that they need to just calm down...(mothering instinct)..Steve and I laughed about this on the way home in between singing "How Bizarre" from OMC and head banging to some old AC/DC "Highway to Hell"...yeah - those were the days!!! ha ha.

Before heading over to the club, we had a late dinner at this great little restaurant - family owned..everything was soooo good and it was really warm and cozy there and the drive over was amazing....I still never tire or get used to the absolute splendor of this city. It is truly as Hemingway put it "A movable feast" both for the tummy and the eyes. Everything lit at night - such pride in the buildings that are here - so much history that you feel the presence of those who lived here in the 17th and 18th centuries still. I can't describe what that feels like....I wish I could.

Anyway - I am hanging out in my fuzzy pink pj's right now and Steve is baking a cake - That Dutch boy can eat more than anyone I know!! I am not too motivated to get out and do anything today...except that I really want to go to the Monoprix - the grocery store. I get a kick out of looking at all the products they have and trying to figure out what some are...it is a fun game for me...which also means I have been here too often if I have seen everything there is to see in Paris and now just hang at the market - LOL.

I wish you all the best of days today.

xoxo,

Mel

Lazy Paris Afternoon

J’Arrrive

It is late afternoon in Paris & the sun will soon set. I am sitting in a café enjoying a glass of Bordeaux and an omelette's du jambon et fromage while waiting for Steve to finish up a meeting with Galeries Lafayette.

The area I am in is called “Opera” & the street is Boulevard Haussmann – it is the main boulevard of Le Grand Magasans (department stores) such as Galeries Lafayette and Printemps.

As I sit here alone in a prime spot for observing the people here, I feel completely at home – which is something I don’t feel when dining alone in the States. When I am there, eating alone has a conspicuous feeling. Here, it is my time to write on the paper covering the table …a spot of vinaigrette on one corner and a red circle from my wine glass on the other. Breadcrumbs from my baguette are my confetti sprinkles. You see, this is a party of one…a very contented and happy one.

It is funny that although I am so far away, in many ways I am home again.....but just to make sure you all know my roots - here I am tonight listening to Kenny Chesney on my iPod...you can take the girl out of the South, but you can't take the South out of the girl!!!

Bonne Nuit Paris – J’adore!!

Bonne Nuit Genève

Tonight is my last night in Geneva. I depart for Paris in the morning to spend a week before heading back to the States for Christmas with my family.

I have enjoyed my stay here although work kept me from doing many of the things I wanted - but this is as usual so I take it in stride, knowing I will be back in Switzerland again in the coming year.

I had the opportunity of spending time with an old friend, as well as adding to my circle of new friends around the world. Bastian from Berlin and Su from Dublin. What wonderful people they are...I will miss talking to them and watching Bastain struggling to bridge the communication gap by speaking some in German, some French and mostly English so I would get the majority of what he was trying to tell me - GENOW Bastian!!

More from the road...

xoxo - Bug

Thank You

There are times in our lives when we need to talk to someone. We need to tell the truth to someone who knows us, someone who will look us in the eyes without judgment and absorb what we are saying and understand what is needed in return.

This is my person. One of the people who knows the real me, one of the few I place my trust in to expose the depths of things that I feel in my life right now.

Yesterday afternoon, after the lunch and the shopping and the catching up, I was able to sit and open up to her to say everything plainly and know that she would not flinch at my truths.

Having someone like this is one of the treasures in my life. I hate it that I live in the States and she in Switzerland, but somehow when we come to spend time together it is as if no time has passed since we saw each other last. We fall back into such an easy place with each other. I love that...and her.

Thank you Pascale - for everything. I miss you already.

Love,
Mel

2006

I was looking through some old writings tonight as I had dinner in the hotel. I came across a post that you will see below that outlines my year last year. I decided it was time to make a time capsule for myself for 2006 to look back on when I am older and remember that I had a wonderful, adventurous life.

I will write and post 2006 tomorrow...stay tuned and see if there is a happy ending for Mellissa....

2005

Sunday morning is here and slipping quietly by as I sit at my desk and watch the last of the leaves roll by with each gust of wind. Maggie is curled up on my desktop sleeping soundly on her quilt and Dave Koz is playing on the stereo, ushering in the holiday season in a way that is peaceful and reflective.

I have been thinking of this past year, thinking about my life and my blessings - and there are so many. It is funny when I take time to reflect on the past eleven months, I am humbled by my blessings and my life.

While my existence is ordinary, just like everyone else's, the reflections of today make them seem extraordinary. I wanted to share a little with you in reflection.

January - a new job full of promise, a new relationship filled with laughter and adventure friendships that were secure.

February - Valentine's Day flowers, a wonderful trip to Charleston for the weekend, great wine, bundled up in a coat walking the banks of the river, dreaming again. A trip to Jamaica to warm in the sun, to spend the days on the beach and continue dreaming and laughing. A Jamaican man who called my "Beautiful Lady" each time I saw him. Pink champagne, cute sandals and ace card games at night.

March - Germany, France, Africa. Strolling the streets of Paris in the wee hours of the morning. Listening to music at Hotel Costes, dancing at Barrio Latino, shopping for antiques. Africa for the weekend, Marrakesh and Casablanca - mint tea, ancient walls, orange blossom and cinnamon, Fatima with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. Wooden doors carved with care by ancient craftsmen - desert sun and lunches served al fresco.

April - A new relationship, a kindred spirit, Easter flowers and brunches with friends, a sweet puppy growing bigger by the day.

May - Warm days in town, laying in the park on a blanket listing to prose and watching the tops of skyscrapers as clouds passed by on their journey to the unknown. A trip to Hilton Head for more beach time with friends.

June - a difficult month for friendships and relationships, letting go of some things, holding on to others. Growing another year older. A trip to San Antonio and meeting great people. Falling in love again, adoring a special child. Eating great bar-b-q, Texas style. Beautiful Spanish Missions and more warm weather and smiles.

July - family time. A trip to my parents and hiking in the Pisgah forest. Waterfalls and banana peels out of the sunroof, sliding down a rock into freezing cold water and lots of laughter. A baseball game with fireworks and jet planes and paratroopers falling from the sky.

August - A new job, returning to those who know me, finding home at work again, renewing old friendships and preparing for a new home.

September - Labor Day in Canada, hot tubs and cold nights with fires lit, a christening, walking under the great night skies and feeling so happy.

October - Dancing again, feeling my feet move and my hips sway and laughter erupting from deep inside me again. Working on making my new home all my own - lots of paint and fabrics and time with my mom doing what we do best - making home!

November - Small group gatherings, new found friendships and comfort in where I am now. Family visits to Atlanta and Thanksgiving in Florida feeling the sun on my face and sand in my toes - while holding my daddy's hand and watching my brother do the same with his daughters. Magic, plain and simple.

December - stay tuned :-)
edit: A break up, a painful month of realizing what does not work, hauling the Christmas tree out to the curb, spending time with my parents and regrouping...this was the end of 2005...but I was still dreaming....

You see, I don't remember the trials right now, or the sad times. I look back on this year and remember the blessings, the love, the travel, the experiences, the smells and mental images from far away places. I remember all the things that I am blessed with - 2005 has been a great year. What a wonderful life I have.

What a joy it is, and how lucky am I to have had all of this in such short order. I realized today, that I am living my dream. I am happy.

Hopeful Heart

Often times in my mind I am free of this time in my life. It has all come full-circle and I am complete again. There is a family for me and I am preparing dinner and listening to the sounds of children – whether mine or not - does not matter.

Often times in my mind I am free of the burden of being alone. I have become a part of someone else and am loved and love in return. We two become one and life progresses forward towards seasons and years in the company of a trusted soul.

Often times in my heart I forgive you for what you took from me. I open up my hands and drop them to the sides of me in complete surrender and release. You did the best you could. The fact that you married me for the wrong reason is not my problem to solve. It is merely my scar to bear.

Years have progressed since that time, but it seems like I have been in purgatory much longer. I reach out and ask others, “Do you feel this too?” “Is it just me, or is it all of us together?” and I wonder to myself…what if this is all that remains.

I pull Maggie closer to me, grateful for the touch of life in my home and close my eyes and pray that soon God will make my dreams come true.

All's Well That Ends Well

I have finally gotten my second wind today - I think it was taking a walk around Lake Geneva and stopping into a cafe for an omlette and salad. I needed food and fresh air and now I think I can make it through the rest of the day and into the evening cocktail reception I am putting on for 160 people....there are sure to be some problems which I am not looking forward to.

The good news is that my bags were located and the concierge at the hotel managed to get Air France to deliver my bags to him...his French is obviously much better than mine ;-)

I did not get much sleep last night. I fell asleep on the bed at the hotel at 6 p.m. and slept till 10:30 p.m. local time when they called to let me know the good news that I would have clean clothes for today!! After that I was wide awake and headed down to the lobby to sit in front of the fireplace to have a nightcap...and to chat on the phone with a friend of mine back in the states. I ended up being awake until 4:45 a.m. knowing the alarm was set for 6:00 a.m. today. It was not so pretty when my alarm rang and I started groaning about the day not wanting to get up - even though my bed is like a rock and I woke up surrounded by my MAUVE room which reminds me of day old Pepto Bismol. Will be changing hotels tomorrow to be closer to the train station so Pascale and I can head out for an adventure.

Well all - I have to head back downstairs to look into my booth set up.....the man has been working on setting it up since 8:00 a.m. and he is still not finished....Swiss precision...takes a lot of time ;-)

Sleepy in Geneva

This was my view at Sunrise on my way to have breakfast with Steve this morning.

It is now 11:56 EST 5:56 p.m. where I am...and I am very tired. I made it on from Paris to Geneva, but sadly my bag did not follow along with me so I have no clean clothes...UGH...

I have been awake for almost 29 hours now and I am really worn out. I wish I was one of those lucky folks that can sleep on the plane....

I also wish I had warm pj's to put on..oh well, at this point I am just happy to have a bed.

Bonne Nuit!

Lights Out

Lights out everyone, time to sleep…or sit in the darkness with only the comfort of the illuminated screen…four hours to landing; Paris welcomes me again. She is my greatest love.

There is a man next to me tonight. It has been a long time…he is Marcello from Milan. He is a doctor, a specialist in the liver, who is returning home from a summit at Emory University in Atlanta. I like him. He has an English Bulldog and I wife who must sleep in another room….sad. He is my father’s age and I feel safer having him on the flight with me. His clothes are very expensive, three-ply cashmere, Prada briefcase, a warm smile. All this wrapped in the unaffected manner of a European. I liked him instantly. I wish I could wrap up all the people I meet and talk with on my travels. They are like the supporting characters to my Alice – here in Wonderland, trying to make a go of it.

James Blunt is playing on the iPod and I am thinking of the last time I listened to this song…before the soldier made his way to the ocean. I can never listen to “High” again the same way.

I had an interview today, something new – out of the blue has come and as much as I love what I am doing, it is time for a new home for me. I love a new challenge and when they come I follow them along. This will be my last trip abroad for work. From now on it will be to experience life as I love it…without my computer ;-)

I am listening now to a wonderful song by Katie Melua, called “Shy Boy”…I wonder if anyone reading this will understand that inference. I have decided that maybe the strong silent type might be the way to go. Time and Nashville answer that question for me in 2007. For those of you who know me well, you know I lost my smile last summer…I found it again – and can’t stop using it…..thank you N_G…..

Bonne Nuit mes amis until tomorrow.

Travel Journal - Dec. 9