I woke up a little off kilter this morning. I can't put my finger on exactly why but will suffice to say that I think I might be a turtle who popped it's head out of the shell, liked the view and then got scared. I have pulled my head back into my protective shell and think I might hang in here for a little while.
I also want to address something to a reader. I read your entire email and I am sorry for what you are experiencing in your life and I wish you much success in your recovery. I don't interact with my readers anymore unless they are old friends from the Blogging world. I did that once and my heart was broken. Many of you remember Terri from Texas who was murdered two years ago. The impact of that loss still resonates with me. I do understand why God put her in my life and it gives me a sense of peace that she gave her heart to God through our relationship (mind you I was just the vehicle and take no credit) and I feel honored that God used me in that way, but the scars remain and will so forever. There is no need for you to feel exposed by my post as no one knows who you were, and I thought you were someone from my past who has been excessive in areas and hypocritical about boundaries. It was not about you, just know that.
I am a little surprised at myself today and I am nervous that I might keep my head in this shell and not venture across the road to the other side. I might not be fast enough to make it without getting hurt and my issues around trust are bigger than I thought. I can sense in myself that I doubt something already and think that it will go away or that it was just a flight of fancy; of my imagination that it might not be special and that I might have just ruined it all....
I think I will get dressed and go see Evan. He is the one thing in life I am completely SURE about.
xoxo,
Bug
