Tell It Like It Is....?

I am in the middle of a real struggle, maybe it's age or some metaphysical turning point of a 42 year old woman (that sounded really weird).

I just feel the need to say it like it is.  No sugar coating, no whiteness to soften the statement, no silence about something on the outside and mentally screaming it on the inside...you get me.

The funny thing is, I am not mad at anyone or in the midst of a personal crises or have any drama in my life, but I just am back to this whole "here it is" kind of deal.  Maybe this is back around because I watched Bethenny Getting Married on Bravo and we all know she's a total straight shooter and never shrinks from just putting in out there for you to digest.

I feel the need to open my mouth and say whatever it is that I really feel about a situation.  REFRESHING RIGHT!!??

So here we are, launch time.  Tired of a lifetime of never really saying in the moment, or closely thereafter that I am bugged or over something.  I just don't say anything.....but that is all that is about to change.

Heaven help us all.

xoxo,
Bug

You Talk, I'll Listen!!

I recently had a "conversation" with a person who I could tell was frenetic in nature but generally a nice person.  We were having a "conversation", but I noticed, quite quickly that whenever she paused at the end of a sentence and I attempted a response she would launch back into a train of thought about herself, not even realizing that she had cut me off mid-sentence.  After a couple of attempts at answering her, I just decided to stop trying and let her go on.  She never noticed that I stopped.  It was kind of amusing in a way and I made a mental note that I will work on that myself, just in case I do that. 

Sometimes when you are in the middle of a situation, it can serve as a good reminder of a way NOT to be in life.  Maybe that's why God puts these things in our path.  Maybe it is to help us be a better person.  So - at the end of the conversation, I didn't walk away irritated or insulted.  I walked away with a better sense of making sure I give others my attention and that I listen instead of doing all the talking.

Jury Duty

It has been a very long 10 weeks as a Juror.  Every time I sit down in the courthouse my chest starts to flutter and I want to run.  The people at the Defendants table look scary, menacing and rather guilty....yes, I did just say that. 

Yesterday I was chosen, again.  Aggravated Robbery, we found him guilty and did so with a very heavy heart.  It was heavy because this was once a boy with promise and this is a boy who's mother loves him and this is now a man who will be sentenced to prison in 4 weeks.  What was not difficult was to impose a $25,000 fine upon him.  That was restitution to the victim who had two revolvers shoved in her face (we watched the video surveillance) and who will be different for the rest of her life because of what happened to her.  Nobody got out unscathed.

I know that it is our duty to serve and I don't shrink from my responsibility, but I wish people would just behave themselves.....all this for $148 and a Blackberry.  Sad.

xoxo,

Bug

 

Uh - Huh - Sure...

Some things in life just kind of amaze me.  First of all, I don't fall for that whole "Whoa is me, I need to talk about my marriage" line.    Let me go back a little by saying that I have a co-worker that wants to talk about his marriage issues at work (with me) and I just don't agree with it.

I wonder sometimes if men thing women are really that stupid, and I wonder sometimes if a lot of women are that stupid (yes, I know - I am rolling my eyes too...) to sit and become a web for someone who has woven areas of simple truths into a lot of no so simple feelings that they are looking to "cast" about somewhere.

Here is the advice that got slung yesterday - as  am tired of being approached about this topic.  Mind you my stance is number 1 - I am not a therapist or expert in marriage, 2.  I am not stupid and I am truly not interested in hearing your lament.  3.  I have a job to do and since you make like four times what I do, I suggest you go see a therapist!!  Now the advice....if you can call it that.

Man - "I need to talk about my wife...."
Me - "Well then go talk to her - about her and you and get it all out on the table and be honest and tell her what's going on with you and show her who you really are.  Oh, and by the way, don't be surprised if eventually SHE is the one who hits you with the bombshell that she has found another man and is leaving you.  You might think you are the one holding the mid-life crises reigns here and withholding intimacy from your wife - but I am here to tell you pal, that even nice girls have affairs if they are getting no love and attention from home.  The first man who comes along and will give her that will be the one who takes your prize.  Think of it that way instead of your way...now I suggest if you want to know about your wife or talk about  your wife, you leave the kids at grandmas house, go get a bottle of wine and get your wife and start talking....I'm not a therapist nor am I a fly....."

He abruptly turned and left my office.  Maybe I should become a therapist and start a tough love boot camp for stupid men...and women.  I'd be my first client ;-)

Have a great day everyone.  It's off to Jury Duty for me!

Bug

A Circle Complete

Exactly three years ago yesterday I wrote a cryptic post to you all titled "Today".  I was just now going through the blog catching up on where I have been when I realized that I had written that May 31, 2007.  The post was short and simple.  It read:  "Today is the most significant day of my life.  I am alone."  I was alone at that time and place.  I had just found out that I was expecting Evan and I was awash in  fear and confusion.

What is amazing is that here we are, three years to the date later and my post couldn't be any different.  I think the words today would read:  "Today is a significant day.  It is the anniversary of the day that have made all the days since worthwhile."

I love having the blog to look back on as a measuring stick of my growth as a person.  I think it's important to have that in life.  I am no longer the Mellissa that you all got to know back in 2005.  I am a calm, grounded and totally anchored woman who just loves this simple life.  I never feel lonely or at loose ends, I rarely have a moment of doubt or hesitation and I am grateful beyond expression for my life.

Last night as I was lying in bed, I thanked God for the absolute blessing he gave me in Evan.  I could not have imagined back then, in the uncertain days, how he was shaping me and girding me to become the anchor to this little boy - and he in turn to me.  It is amazing the love you carry  inside just waiting to be unlocked.

Have a wonderful day everyone.  I hope it's a blessed one!

xoxox,

Ladybug 2.0