Just be yourself

I was thinking last night about how hard it can be at times to just be yourself, warts, un-popular opinions about trending subjects, personality, looks...the whole bag.

I can't say I like it one bit or the impact it can have on a life. When you're shaping your views and reactions and thoughts to better suit popular opinion, you're letting parts of yourself die out.

My new years resolution....and I only have one is the acronym DTAC. It's not going to be easy to be authentic in an adjustable world, but I am who I am.  I am determined to be just that.

I am 42 years old, and made just the way I was intended to....warts and all.

Happy Friday!

Bug

Music In the House....and other baby steps

When one realizes the deficits in life, steps are very necessary to adjust.

I have a new friend, her name is Sophia and she is much like me....I'm grateful to have her in my life to laugh with and to have hold up a mirror right in my face.

As we began to get to know each other she would ask questions that I would go back and think on and realize the answer was "no".  No, I don't listen to music in the house anymore. No, I don't take any trips away anymore. No, I don't have guests in my home anymore and my son doesn't see me interact socially...these things really bothered me upon reflection because when you stack up all the little things I had let go, they added up to a deficit filled life.

I am trying to make some changes in my life right now, to make things better where I am now. I light candles again and have fresh flowers in the house like I used to. I wrote a man to say goodbye and end his back and forth, I have been listening to music again, I took my son on a day trip, and I invited my friend over and made her dinner.

It's a small adjustment, but it has made me happier and more in touch with myself.

I think I'm going on a road trip to Atlanta this weekend....I miss home.

Xoxo,
Bug

When You Fake It

I have to admit I am guilty of faking it. Every day....for three years. It's a very difficult thing to be a parent, and harder still when the person you are parenting with is, well, different from you to say the least. So, for the most part, I fake it, I bite my tongue, I act interested in things they say in order to keep a peaceful balance. But, there is the way I really feel most days, and that is like Alice who awakes to find herself in a strange land with some funky animals who grin too much and have ulterior motives and hidden agendas.

People tell me quite often that they would ever do what I have done, no matter how much they love their child. I wonder though, don't we all fake parts of our lives each and every day? Some fake love, others fake success and intellect, some fake happiness in their work, and there is another breed altogether who fake an identity to fool the masses.

I guess my question to you all is...."do you fake a portion of yourself or your life?" tell me yes, that in some fashion you do....or else I'll have to come to terms with being on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride all by myself!

Xoxo,

Bug

Mic Check

Tap, tap, tap....

Just wondering if anyone can hear me....it has been a very long time since I practiced my writing. Just another little part of myself that I willingly let go under the auspices of blame to another.

So, let's catch up, it's been a while since you've seen me... I am a bit older and I don't like my hair so much right now because it is mom hair and I knew better. I am a little too rounded in the middle from too much junk food, Evan food, and laziness and I analyze if I have depression each day as a bottle of Zoloft sits in the cabinet awaiting my decision....so let's start there...

I don't think I'm depressed in the traditional sense of the word and I really am thinking a lot about serotonin and the pill that just might fix everything, except we all know that I would take that little pill and still be stuck here in Siberia....so I reckon that is like scooping out a ship full of water with a Dixie cup....hence the Zoloft will sit on the shelf for now.

Men...oh where to begin there. Men are useless creatures unless family or old friends. My run in that department reveals great inadequacy, so they sit on a shelf just like the Zoloft and I am pondering their usefulness as well. I haven't had a real date in over a year and it's beginning to suit me just fine.

I'm not sure where these forks in the road may lead at this time in my life, but I am determined to find out and keep myself afloat in the process...you're welcome to come along with me on the journey as I find out.

Better posts soon...I promise...this is just a jumping off spot for the big dot-to-dot to follow.

Happy New Year!

Xoxo,

Bug