Something is stirring

Evan and I had a wonderful day overall. I fell asleep with him for nap time and was sad for a few hours upon waking. I kept trying to shake it and finally succeeded after a trip to Liberty Park with Evan for an evening walk and a trip to feed the ducks and play on the playground.

I read back through my blog from May 2006 and loved the images my mind retrieved while my eyes were digesting words. It has been a beautiful life and I remain humble and thankful for my blessings.

Something is stirring inside of me again, I guess it took another round of disappointment to give me pause for thought, and the drive to walk forward again. I am hoping this move to Nashville will be the beginning of a great new chapter for me. I plan on staying very busy enjoying and exploring the city and working hard towards a better future.

Now I am going to look for a house....a place to land in Nashville!

A New Day

I woke up this morning with a peaceful heart and a sense of joy.

The last couple of days have been difficult.  No ability to concentrate on work; only reflections and analytics.   Licking wounds, reminding myself of worth and core and self.

My shoulders would begin to shake for no reason and tears would come.  I would go into the bathroom at work to compose myself, explaining to no one, certainly no one to reach out to as it would come as a great surprise to those  who know me that I had been in a relationship at all.

Evan caught me crying once.  I was ashamed for him to see me, but I explained that I lost a friend and I was sad.  He prayed for me.  My heart soared at the knowledge that my 3 1/2 year old understands prayer at such a young age.

I started writing again and praying in a more focused manner.  Guidance, faith, portion, understanding and peace are the themes of my devotions to God.  I am also being honest in my accountability for my part.  I believe if you are internally honest, then blame has no place to take root in your soul.

I only feel peace today.  I only wish my friend well.  I smile for his hope.  I long for his renewal.  I wish him joy - always!

Happy Saturday!

Bug

Let me adjust my halo

To some I am a saint, to some I am not.  Who knows what causes people to have the reactions they do to each other.

I had a email recently that was beautifully written and expressed sentiments from a person's heart that I know were sincere.  I read it twenty times if I read it once. 

One thing struck me and left a mark.  I am not special, I am not extraordinary.  I simply know how to love and I practice it as an action word each day.  Heaven does not hold a special place for me for doing what is expected of us in our humanity to each other.  I get no extra credit from God for living life as it was supposed to be.

The Bible says, "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you."  I don't always succeed in my life in living the right way, but I do have a deep sense of doing what is right, even if what is right hurts me.  I end up hurt a great deal, and it would be easier at times to simply turn from my beliefs and live for myself and my needs.  There are days where I truly wish I could be different, but I simply can't.

I need to go adjust my halo now.  Someone placed one upon my head but it really doesn't belong there...

Bug

52 Cents

I wonder if you noticed it?  It was 52 cents returned.  I held onto it from the night it was left on my bedside table.  It meant something to me.  It was a memory; a cherished memento.

To some it might seem a silly thing to hold on to. You probably never even made the connection when it dropped from the bag of items I returned to you.  But I know it's not in the little dish on my table.  I miss it being there.  I hold small things in great regard.

I held us in great regard.  We were a litany of small, remarkable things.  The tangible items were returned, but the intangible will be held in my heart forever - and that was the greater part of the sum that made us.

I love you.