Morning

Well, I did manage to get a few hours sleep in last night and I am late for work again. I should care more, but I really don't. The disconnect has happened but I don't want to leave my co-workers in a pinch either.

I will just finish this second cup of coffee and get on with it in a few minutes. I was looking at a cutesy house in Decatur, Georgia but something did not feel right about it and I sent an email this morning letting the woman know I was not going to take it, so I am back to square one again - for about the umpteenth time.

I have been thinking this morning about really letting go. It is not easy in life to do that. I prayed about my relationship a lot and gave it to God truly over the 4th of July weekend. As I am sure all of you who read know that the relationship has ended. While this is a really painful time for me personally, I have to keep going forward because I have to trust, without a doubt, that God knows what is best for me and the one that I love right now.

I was in a relationship that mattered to me on many, many levels and I even though I am reminding myself to breath right now, I have no regrets and still thank God each day for the introduction for what this person gave to me. I hope God used me to leave some meaningful things to him as well. I think that is important. Even though this is a rough time - I still want the very best for those I love. I truly want happiness, peace and love to return to the equation in their lives and I respect the courage it takes to step away and work on it instead of remaining.

The past three years have been painful learning experiences for me as well and I need to be filled too. I am in a cycle this past nine months of taking a lot of emotional cuts and I realize that I can't remain standing that way anymore and have ended or lost three relationships because of it, important ones at that. My best friend, my boss, and now my boyfriend. I just have to trust that God is leading me to a healthier place and I continue to have hope.

I had really hoped (secretly) to be heading out to Denver this weekend to meet up with a group of people whom I really liked a lot and wanted to know better. While this is not going to happen now, I am still so excited that the trip will be all good things with a family who is really very nice and has the cutest little boys ever. I will tune in for photographs next week and live vicariously in that trip through the digital images.

To those of you who have been so supportive of me - thank you - from the bottom of my heart. I might not know what is in store for me right now, but I do know that I loved, I do not point any fingers or place blame for life just being what it is.

My shield this week is:

For they that wait upon the Lord
Shall renew their strength
They shall mount up with wings
As Eagles

They shall run
And not be weary
And they shall walk and not faint.

Here is looking forward - onward, upward. Still bruised, still sad, still in love - but hopeful.

Mellissa