Spending Time

Life really is in the little things isn't it? It is the people you love, the places you travel and the memories that sustain.

It is a dinner out with the new man in your life, it is rubbing noses with your Sunday School girl, it is watching Maggie look for her Chipmonk, it is art that makes you smile, it is walking the shoreline with with your family, it is watching your mother be a grandmother, it is girlfriends laughing and scheming, it is traveling to see my mom with Maggie sleeping on my lap....

This post is for nothing really, other than for me to look back at the photographs that comprise a part of my life.

It is a reminder that I can trust in something. I can believe in the goodness of people, I am loved - and love in return. That is a nice reminder.
Bug

Nesting

I am home again and content about being near all of my things. I still miss that man in the country, but it is so decadent to go into my bathroom and open a drawer of "girlie goods".

I went to the grocery store to re-stock the shelves in my house and could not help the urge to prepare a menu in my head and shop accordingly.

This week, in between working and working out, I will have:

Potato Leek Soup with a Baby Field Green Salad
Pepper Bacon and Stilton Bleu Cheese Quiche
Spinach Salad with fresh Strawberry vinaigrette, asparagus and grilled fillet mignon

I would have prepped for more good, fresh home cooking - but there is a wedding this weekend that I am so happy to be attending - as a date....so looks like Saturday will have a sweet dessert in the mix....and a world of hope being promised.

Well, it is off to spinning class now - and then home to bake Banana bread just for the great smell it brings to the house.

xoxo,
Ladybug

Special

That is what my Sunday school children are. They are special. I am a lucky lady indeed to spend that little bit of time with them.

Emma, Sebastian, Wilson, Jordan, & Dante. We talked today about the Last Supper and Emma said she thought it must have been like Thanksgiving. I loved that - so simple was the correlation in her mind.

When we went into our theater production message for the week, Emma looked up at me and asked "Miss Mellissa, what is sin" - After I gave her the simple answer she needed to connect the dots about why Jesus died for our "sins", I just held her for a moment. She is so tiny and her hair is like silk. As we said our little prayer together, I could not help but inhale her sweetness.

Wilson lost his front tooth and Sebastian lost his two lower teeth - they were proud of this first step towards becoming "grown-ups" and we had a talk about teeth and how they are important in making smiles (in their case, little toothy/toothless grins).

Jordan was shy and I loved singing and dancing with him, watching him grow comfortable in our group and asking if he came back to see me next week if I would help him make another paper airplane. He is beautiful and a little timid.....we'll fix that.

Dante's shoes came untied and as I re-tied one, Wilson offered to help tie the other. We learned about supporting each other as friends through discussing that small action of helpfulness. Wilson beamed because he was being a true friend.

These children amaze me each and every week. It makes me dream of having my own one day. I cannot imagine the joy of holding your own child and feeling that wonderment. Those of you with children, take a little extra time today to tell them they are special. Tell them they are beautiful and smart and how lucky you are to be with them each day.

Happy Sunday to you all!

Ladybug

What We Don't See

I just finished writing an email to a friend and fellow Blogger whom I think quite a lot of. Reading their words really caused me to stop for a moment and think about what we don't see in people.

We rush through our days, so busy...on to the next item on our list. When we meet people, we are so busy and just take them at face presentation. Rarely do we take the time to look deeper, to pause for a moment and take in the fullness of the person.

So many Bloggers and friends have reached out to me with stories from their personal lives that have changed me forever - you have changed me and left an imprint on my heart.

Last year when I started Blogging, I had no idea of the valuable relationships I would form with a group of wonderful people.

Even though we have never met, I want each of you that I correspond with to know how much your words of encouragement have meant to me, and how much showing me what most people don't get to see has changed my life.

It has made me more aware, more tender in my heart to my friends, and more available to look past the persona of someone into the person.

For those of you who read this and know what I mean....thank you for entrusting a part of yourselves with me. Thank you for the friendship, and thank you for shaping my heart. Thank you for trusting your personal stories with me and for reminding me of "What we don't see" in others.

For those of you who read here, I hope that you too will take a moment this week and be there for someone else. We cannot imagine what is going on with the person next to us, their smile might just be hiding a world of pain.

Let's all be still for a moment and really begin to absorb what is all around us. Be emotionally safe for someone, be a pillar of strength, be a calm and safe spot in a crazy world.

Love,
Mellissa

Friends

These are my two best friends Angela and Kerri. They are amazing and fun and lovely. This weekend will be about celebrating my friendships and nurturing my life a little here in the city.

You see, my garden needed tending, and my mind needed clarity and my heart needed to laugh and spend time and show these women how much I love them, not to mention how much I have missed them and our crazy times.

Ladies - lots of plans were made for the weekend and I am excited. The weather should be great for a day in Piedmont Park having fun and eating Oysters and Crawfish (Angie is from Louisiana) and an evening in a cute Crescent City Cafe ;-) Sunday movie and massage day at the spa is just going to be bliss out and laughing the hours away will be the cherry on my sundae!!

You guys are just the best.....and Jamie, not to leave you out in any way....I will see you today at LUNCH!!

xoxo,
Mel

Celtic Woman

On April 11th I will be in for a very special treat. As you all know, I really love live music and concerts so to discover that Celtic Woman was going to play at the Fox Theater in Atlanta was a no-brainer. It was especially great timing as Jim and I had just been discussing the fact that he saw a program about them on Saturday night.

So, tickets purchased and now just waiting. If you have never heard them, clink the link and have a listen. They are certainly Irish Angels come down for our mortal entertainment ;-)

I am so happy to live in a city like Atlanta where there is so much to offer culturally.....and so many trees and flowers to soothe us along in our days.

Hmmm

If you are driving in the car with your 12 year old daughter and she says "Dad, your such a player", do not repeat that into the phone to the woman you are dating o.k.

If you are looking at baby clothes in a store and you're oohing and ahhing and your mother skips you completely and says to your 17 year old niece that one day we will be picking out clothes for her children just like we did for her....um, it is o.k. to get a little miffed and do the "what about ME" whine.

If it is 7:49 a.m. and you are still sitting on the bed in your pajama's drinking coffee and blogging....get off your BUTT and get in the shower....

Off to start my day!!

Bug

p.s. SK, I am thinking of you today! All will be well!!

Here's To Great Evenings

Saturday night in Atlanta, what a great evening. I had the opportunity to meet some of Jim's family and friends this weekend - what great people. I don't think I have laughed so much in my life.

We had dinner together at One Midtown Kitchen, followed by some salsa dancing at Loca Luna and sleep did not find us until 4 a.m.!!

Here are some other random photographs from the evening as well.

The Upper Hand

I hate it when I think someone has the upper hand on me. I don't like feeling vulnerable to another person. It is something that gets on my skin like poison oak and feels runny and infected. I feel cleaner on my own.

Control has long been an issue with me. I want to relax, to submit to the will of the other person, to be giving and selfless - but then the upper hand thing starts. I feel the imbalance of superiority in the words and actions of the other person and I become like a porcupine again, bristling in defense so you can get near me.

I am discovering my love/hate relationship with new. I prefer old - tried and true. The sweatshirt you reach for time and time again. Not only when it is cold outside, but also the times when you just need something soft and fluffy to swaddle you. I know that even old favorites were new at one time - I just wish I didn't have so many new things all at once in my life, new job, new life, new man. I long for someone who just knows me without a lot of explanation. I dread walking through the minefield of new relationships.

The vulnerability I feel makes me more reactive and don't even ask me about the whole "new" way of dating online and why men tend to keep logging on to see "what else" is out there. Call me old fashioned, but volume in dating is easy, true connection is not. I could have a date every night of the week if I just wanted to keep looking for next. See, I chose to go with the connection and now am truly exposed and scared to death - wanting to just run away from the potential of hurt in my life that I have no room for.

I long for the days when I just knew! I was too young to not know any better. My heart was fresh and had not been bounced around and dented. I was just loved and open and free to speak without thinking too much.
Everything was lighter. I was lighter.

Closing Doors / Opening Windows

In our relationships with each other we sometimes face a "closed" door.  We seldom question why it is closed to us, choosing instead to go around and break a window to get in. To make sure we have our say or impose our ideals.

We must remember that personal space is of the utmost importance. Catharsis and healing sometimes needs to happen alone. The words and exchanges need a break and to be held in trust just for each other for when the timing is right. 

I believe that we have all wronged or have been wronged by another.  Sometimes without even knowing it. 

If the door is closed, be patient don't just go straight to the window and break the glass before checking to see if the door is really locked? Just lift the handle, if it resists, it could be because no one has tried opening it in a long time.  No need to cause damage, just push a little and see if it budges.  If it does, give a little knock and maybe have some flowers in your hand.....and an I'm sorry on your lips.

A Sheltering Tree

I heard recently that friendship is like a sheltering tree. What a beautiful image that is! Can you visualize the tree that is you in friendship?

I want to be one of those large oak trees that sit in the middle of an expanse of grassy field filled with flowers, the tree that makes you want to take off your shoes and make your way to it on a summer day.

I want the branches of my friendship to extend far beyond my trunk, offering shade during the hottest parts of the day, knowing my roots are deep enough to support me, and in turn, them.

If friendship is like a sheltering tree. Who's branches do you take rest under? Who takes rest under yours? I hope this will cause you to reach out to a friend today, perhaps someone that you haven't been there for as much as you should have, or someone who you have hurt by careless words or action.

I know who I am calling right now, and she is really an important woman in my life whom I miss very much.

Mellissa

A New Day

Good morning everyone,

I am sitting in the middle of the bed finishing my coffee and avoiding the day for as long as possible - Maggie is curled up at my feet in a little circle that makes her look like a cat - sleeping soundly.

All is quiet in the house except for the clickety clack of my fingernails on the keyboard and the hum of the computer across the room. I was just watching the light change out the window and thinking, like you all know I do too much sometimes, when the sweetest fragrance wrapped around me, coming from my shoulder or my neck, or perhaps my cheek. It is his fragrance, the small bit of him that he leaves behind from the morning embraces he gives me many times before heading out the door for work.

You see, he lingers on my hands from holding, my lips from kissing, my spirit from laughing and my heart from beginning to feel something.....something that I can't put my finger on. I remember when we first began dating he would call and say that he could still smell me on his clothes, that I lingered on him. Now it is he that lingers on me.

Yesterday I painted his guest bathroom and fixed it the way he has been wanting it for who knows how long, and it was such a pleasure to do - as a way to repay him, to thank him for reminding me that it IS a new day - and this IS a new beginning. He starts and ends each of my days with so much care and happiness and laughter.

I can honestly tell you all that I haven't been this happy and content in over 4 years and I haven't laughed this much since I don't know when. It's a new day today -and I am going to share it with someone really special, someone that is lingering on me.

Love,
Ladybug

Coming Home

Good morning,

It is Sunday at 7:30 a.m. and I am sitting on my bed in our villa at Callaway Gardens in Pine Mountain, Georgia.

There is so much on my mind and in my heart lately and I came to this retreat with my girlfriends to take joy, ride bikes and try to just be - and enjoy the company of over 400 other women who love the Lord as much as I do.

The familiar theme of letting go and casting burdens was discussed again - looks like I cannot escape that one as God is reaching out to me in a lot of places with this message. It makes me laugh at the you can run but not hide attage.

I have some homework to do, but I am trying to be faithful to my course and to remember what is real in my life and what is the truth that was placed in front of me.

Wow

I have so many things bunking around up in my head - so I am just going to write a lot of words in an effort to let it go and move on with my day.

I miss you.
Women are complicated in a group.
Angie is sad.
I don't have to like everyone.
You are an immature and false.
Life is beautiful.
People see right through you.
I am in a beautiful place.
How long before she sees that side?
I am missing pieces.
I wonder about us.
I daydream about you.
I wish the comments would stop.
I am not reaching out.
Your words hurt me, they hurt.
But your words seen (and unseen) are truth.
I am lucky.
God is gracious.
I am growing in him each day.
He is my strength.
I love the light of him in me.
I am human.
Can you see me for me?
Please let go and be real.
Thank you all for the emails you sent me - WOW.
This life is a blessing.
Remember to pray and reflect.
Be genuine.
Don't leave.
Let others have their story.
Tell me your story and I will tell you mine.
Pray for me.
I am looking in your direction.
You have the most beautiful upper lip.
I love the way you hold me.
I am wishing for Spring after a long Winter.
I love who I am, warts and all.
I am happy to know who I am.
I will slow down and walk beside you.
I love your tea - the best!
I want to let God use me.
I am greatful and thinking of Karen ;-)
Life matters more because of you.
I am going home today.
God is going with me.

Thanks for reading along. Time for a shower and the rest of my day.

Mellissa

Perpetual Victim

Why is it that some people play the perpetual victim? Is it easier to point fingers at everyone around you, or to just sit down, point the finger at yourself and say "I am responsible for this".

If your history repeats itself time and time again, perhaps you need to look at the source of the problem. If you see that you are the common denominator, take steps to be accountable for that and be honest with yourself and others.

I think it is so easy to say "they" did this to me or "they" caused me to be broken, etc. This works well on strangers and the unsuspecting - for a while. Then it all catches up with you as people connect the dots that spell out "Perpetual Victim" and shake their heads.

I am so glad that I can say I made some bad choices, that I own. No one "did" this to me. I did it to myself. No one needs to come and rescue me from my burning house. I am strong, and able to walk away from that fire using my own strength and health. I am not a victim. I am a survivor.

So no more gushy posts about my past or looking backwards. If you could see the amazing view before me you would understand why.

Inventory taken, closets and drawers cleaned - and I am in a good space. Have a great weekend everyone and I will see you back next week!

Mellissa

Just Being

It did not have to be anything, yet it was. It was just being - it was not re-hashing, it was not evaluating it was not creating a paradigm for the future.

It was just needing to touch and to hold and to have dinner and be first person singular. I think that it was mutual consent at its finest.

Now it is onwards. I don't know where from here - but God promises us another day of hope and learning. I know I have gained a better understanding of life, and myself, and others. We all dream and walk at different paces. I am just glad we meet up at checkpoints along the way.

Thank you all for the love and care you give!!

Mellissa

Simplicity

That is what it is. There is no second-guessing with us. The words just move to and from with no infraction or investigation of inflection. It is just so simple don't you think.

Last night you used the "g" word, but I don't think you noticed it slip out. It was the last thing I thought of as I pulled the blanket up closer and drifted off to sleep. It was just simplicity.

Sort of like life in the country....so close to town, yet a world away from that glaring bright light. I came here for simplicity and rest and happiness.....thank you for letting me stay awhile.