Cry Tears - Take Joy!

It is a thing which struck me as odd the second time I did it. This was the second time in six months I broke down in tears over news. Joyous news! The first time was in December. I was in Paris. We had not spoken in two years. Kim and I had drifted apart, but I still missed her and wished her well. I still miss and wonder and wish her well.

The email came to all on the address list, me included. I knew it was a mistake; a lack of deletion on a contact list. I was glad to see the email and sat in silence while reading it. She was re-creating her website, had a new URL and a pending new last name. She was getting married. I got up from the sofa and walked out onto the back balcony and looked out over the Paris skyline. The light from the Eiffel Tower spun by like a comet across the night sky. I held my glass of wine and cried. I was happy in the news, and unsettled at the same time. She had found “it”, and I was still the same. In truth I didn’t understand so much – I felt more deserving, more ready. I felt horrible for the mixed emotion and selfish sense of entitlement. It was not so much that I wanted her to “have not”; it was just that I longed to “have”. Twenty-four months to find a man who wanted, who was not afraid to say it, to hold, to ask, to create a life of two.

The second time was yesterday. I was at home listening to Debussy’s Claire De Lune; refinishing furniture. Isabel and I had not spoken in thirty days due to her move to Madrid on April 30th. Her special someone is a French man, Arnaud. She, a beautiful Latina; the new life – Madrid. They met in early October last year in San Francisco where they both lived. At the end of October I met him as well; over coffee in Los Angeles. I liked him immediately. She was still guarded and unsure.

By December she was jumpy; he wanted to spend the holidays with her. She was headed to Paris for work for a week.  I talked her off the ledge. “It is not like he asked you to meet him on Christmas Eve at the altar.” I joked. She laughed into the receiver and exhaled. “You are right, I need to just go with it and relax.” In February, she was in Paris again and another phone call came. Something was different in her voice. “I have some news” rolled off her tongue with hesitation. “Oh, ISA!!!” I knew exactly what this news must be. They were going to have a baby. 

They were moving to Madrid together. He needed her and wanted to make a life with her; and in this, they created a life, a new life in two forms. Yesterday I received an email from Arnaud with a link to their WordPress Blog outlining their new life in Madrid. One post caught my eye. It was a picture of Isabel, beautiful Isabel. The post read that if anyone wondered why he uprooted his life in San Francisco, all they had to do was look at his beautiful “Guapa”. I instantly loved him more – because of the love he has for her. Then an email from Isa came. “We are getting married in Normandy in August.

I got up from the computer, walked into my bathroom and held the sink. I cried. I cried because I miss my friend; I cried because I was happy that her dreams came true and I cried because she too had found a man who wanted, who was not afraid to say it, to hold, to ask and to create a life – for three.

 As I finish this post this morning, the tears well up again. This time – just out of joy and the realization that there are good men out there, men who want as I do, men who are not afraid to say it, to act on a good thing when a good thing is presented into their life. It is like the sunrise I guess. We somehow forget how spectacular it is, and when we witness it in all its beauty, we must pause, and let the tears come for a moment in appreciation, and the hope that each new day brings. The promise of something wonderful. I know a day can change a life. I look forward to that day. I know it will happen for me too, and in this – I take joy.

 Xoox, Bug