Facing Fowards

There are times when I find writing on my blog difficult. Those mainly are the times of pain in my life or when I am having a hard time navigating my way. 

 As a writer, or I should say, a person who's creative expression is writing, it is hard NOT to release all the words and get it out. I haven't written what is truly in my heart for a few months now. I wake up in the middle of the night and the words are tripping over themselves in concentric circles. It is as if could just write them down then all the problems would be solved and reason would prevail and my voice would be heard. I wake up almost every night this way since I have not written the truth about my life. I am not writing about my true feelings right now because life is difficult enough without giving credence to my words and accepting my fate. 

If I write it down then it is history, it is recorded, it is my fate and that is something that I just cannot emotionally handle right now with the enormous changes in both my physical and emotional makeup due to my pregnancy. When I wake up now, or as I continually think about themes of injustice, I give it back to God. I give it to him again and again and again. I ask to only face forward towards his grace, to not again look back onto the things that hurt. 

I did want to share my prayer with each of you so that if you are experiencing pain and loss in your lives, or if you are wrestling with feelings of helplessness and abandonment, or being alone, you can pray this too - no matter what your faith, prayer is a powerful and comforting practice which can change you from the inside and give you strength.

Love, 

Mellissa 

 "In this day give me the strength to die in my own will and my own thoughts. Let me focus only on the things I am able to change with your help and to have peace. Please soothe my heart and know that I am as helpless as a child in my circumstance. I pray that you will ease my mind and allow joy to come. Please allow me to learn to accept all things in your time and please keep my heart tender to those who have hurt me. I just ask to feel your love and your peace today. Please keep me close to you and I know I will not fail."