Monday, August 20, 2007
It Is Possible
It is entirely possible to love someone you have never met. I know this for a fact. I am in love with my little Evan and I dream about him, pray for him and try to do everything I can to keep him safe already. I am protective over him and will fight hard if I think anyone is trying to slight him or upset me as I need to be happy so that he can continue to develop well.
Last night was a hard one, I have had some cramping the last day or so - nothing major, but anything that wakes me up in the night scares me. I have been having more round ligament pain and a definite tightening sensation in Evan's "house" and it makes me nervous as I don't really know what is normal growing pains and what I should be concerned with.
The root of the concern is my thyroid (or lack of one) and the fact that they have increased my meds three times already and I have to go back this week for more bloodwork to make sure I am level. I know I am not! My skin is very dry and I am tired again. I also know that Evan is fine in that department as he has his own thyroid now and produces his own T3/T4 hormone which regulates his adrenal system and pituitary function. It is me that I worry about now. If I don't maintain enough hormone then I could miscarry him (at least this is my fear from the past and the reason I was told I was a long-shot to none in that department) or I won't have enough energy to exercise or feel good - two essentials for me right now.
I guess I just worry and I want everything to be o.k. My thyroid is something that bothers me and has taken a toll on me in a lot of ways. It is my "thing" to deal with and I don't mind that so much - but now that I beat the odds and conceived a child, I want to beat the odds and hold onto my son. I don't want this thyroid issue to affect him in any way at all.
Needless to say, when I wake up in the night cramping, I get upset and think maybe I don't have enough juice and something bad is going to happen, even now. That is when I start to pray again, and breathe; deep, relaxing breaths - willing my midsection to let go and hoping that I will once again beat the statistics - 168 days to go....
Wish me luck and pray along with me for my little Viking - because I love him already - and I know him, even though we have yet to meet. He is someone I dream of and will love for a lifetime...
xoxo,
Mellissa
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5 comments:
Mellissa:
I will pray for you and your little Evan - that everything works out fine and that he comes to you, after 168 more days, as healthy as a little baby can be.
A good book to read for first time parents (mothers especially) is "What to Expect When You are Expecting". That book sat on my ex's nightstand constantly during both of her pregnancies and was worn out by the time they were done.
The follow up book that deals with a child's growth through age five (or something like that) is also very useful.
During my second pregnancy I had a lot of that ligament pain. Since I didn't have that previously, it didn't feel 'normal' to me at all. And thought my son was 2 1/2 weeks early, everything turned out perfectly fine. Today he is 15 and almost 6'2"...so I don't think being a bit early hurt him at all!
I love little boys in overalls...a definite heart-melter. Prayers for you and baby Evan.
Yeah, I had lots of ligament pain too. Strange the things pregnancy does to your body, isn't it? My Boy is sitting next to me, bopping his head to music that is on the tv. I am imagining you and your Evan sitting this way someday. :)
You are both in our prayers, sweet lady!!!
Guys thanks so much for the warm thoughts, especially those who have had children and can relate to the odd feelings!! Maybe all the round ligament pain is because he's gonna be a big un' like his daddy ;-)
I have the book "What to Expect" but I don't love it...I will read it again I think it is funny how little attention a pregnant woman gets. Just once a month no biggie - like a do it yourself car kit.
But then again, women have been homegrowing these little suckers for years with good results ;-)
I have my labs today and am sure all will be fine. I just have to relax a little and not worry so much!!
xoxo,
Mellissa
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