Put Your BIG Girl Panties On

Men, you might as well just stop reading right now!! This is gonna be a quasi-chick post and I don't want to ruin your day ;-)

Man, I gotta tell you all - I have been pretty quiet about my pregnancy overall. I do keep a blog for my little Evan - it is mostly about my feelings for him and my thoughts about life, etc. I don't write too much about my actual pregnancy..

So let's dish the truth - and just know this - PREGNANCY AIN'T FOR SISSIES!!!

1. My first Trimester was rough, rough, rough. I never had a moment of morning sickness and for that I am thankful. I did get mind-numbing fatigue of the Epstein-Bar Cher can't go on tour kind of way!! I would get out of bed and cry for an hour. I would take a shower and dry my hair and then be so exhausted I had to go back to bed....and I WOULD!! I felt like I had the flu all the time and I cried all the time - all the time (I still cry a lot)!!

2. My pregnancy is harder because I am single. Yes, I am single and not pointing any fingers or such as this but I am telling you that it is twice as hard to go through this alone. I read stuff about "daddy bringing home dinner" and get really upset at the girls on the message boards who are mad because they don't like what the man brought home!!! I say you silly woman - send that man over here to me, cause I got to get all my own crap and do everything myself. Shut up and EAT THE MEATLOAF and then get your feet rubbed. I also get highly upset when I see a pregnant woman out with her husband/boyfriend/partner. I want to have that too. I see them together registering at Babies R' Us and I leave the store and cry all the way home.

3. Fat arms.  My gosh!! I printed out a picture of myself just before finding out I was pregnant and I put it on the fridge as a reminder!!! Hard to believe that a scant few months ago I was getting firm and looked pretty good - now I have pregnancy envy and I look at other pregnant women (and it is like never seeing a certain car until you buy it and then seeing them everywhere!!!) and I look at their arms and get highly upset if they are toned - lol!! I have been doing my weights here at home (it is 7:15 a.m. and I already did bicep/triceps) but I get nowhere except for muscular with ripples of fat on the top, and I am NOT even gonna now talk about my hips as I won't manage the day ;-)

4. Dumb and Dumber. I used to be one smart cookie!! I walked at 7 months for crying out loud!! Now - I can be mid-sentence and totally lose track of what I was saying. I walk into a room to get something and can't remember what it was. I sit things down and can't remember where I sat them. It is nutty. I think I could handle the crying, rippled upper arms if I could just be smart and witty like I used to be!!

5. Mommy needs a MARGARITA!! You would think that I am a raging alcoholic I swear. Before I got pregnant with the Viking, I would maybe have cocktails on some weekends with my girlfriends - I was digging the whole Salsa dancing and Mojito's thing - very Ricky Ricardo if you know what I mean. Now - nada. I think about drinking a CORONA with lime every single day or I long to sit on my back porch with a nice crisp Riesling. Yeah - you would think that I had a drinking problem. I can assure you, I do not. It is just what you can't have that twinkles like the North star.

6. I miss my life!! I never thought I would have a child - I was told it wouldn't happen. I was married for 13 years and never conceived a child - suffice it to say I believed what the Dr.'s told me. No biggie overall. I wasn't home crying over it.  I had a fulfilling life, I loved it, loved it, loved it. I travelled all the time, had great adventures, romance and good food. I was the chatty fun girl about town, going to gallery openings, happy hour, fashion shows, and Paris for Christmas. I was the girl with cashmere jogging suits for crying out loud!! You see, in my life dream, I wanted to have a whole family - not just a child. I wanted husband first, child second and love, love, love but I thought that wasn't the story for me and I adapted.  Now I am alone a lot - actually every day and night and I hate it. I am a social person and need the company of others. However, now that I am pregnant I feel that I am forgotten and I am really missing my life. You know what's odd? I never spoke of children with any man I dated, or even with my ex-husband. I never kidded about cute kids or anything with ANY of them....except Greg who is the father of my son Evan. We thought it was fun to joke about how cute our kids would be. He now thinks I planned all this and tricked him because of those jokes. I did not...I just thought he was cute and sweet and a nice relationship although too far away and very different from me.

Now, I have shared with you my 6 mysteries and whaaaat?? horrors of pregnancy time. What I must tell you is that it is ALL worth while. In 24 short weeks I will welcome my son to this world. I cannot imagine the joy, I cannot imagine the love. He is wiggling inside as I write this post and I am smiling. No matter what I go through each day, it is worth it because I have been blessed with a treasure the magnitude which I never even imagined - me - a mother. Wow!! If it has to be this way, then so be it.

As for the rest, I guess I just have to "Put my BIG girl panties on and DEAL with it."  This transition time is not the end, it is only the beginning - so everything else doesn't matter. I win the ultimate prize in the end. Aren't I lucky?!!!

xoxo,
Bug