I have a character flaw (or is it?) that shuts people out. I give a lot of chances to people. I give love and understanding and usually think of them first as a natural part of my character. I do and do and give and give and love and love. However, if I see a pattern of lack of concern back for my well being, or if they treat my feelings and needs with a lack of respect and understanding then I get this strange sensation inside of me when I think of them, and I know the ending is coming.
There is usually a warning conversation, or a time when I express myself fully and see how they react with me; how they treat my heart. If the infractions continue, I simply shut my heart, and never allow them access again. I disappear from their lives with no further explanation and I never look back.
I view loyalty and respect as paramount to those I give my love and friendship to. If I show you my heart and you reject me, or silence me, or take all and give nothing then a shift happens and I turn from you, as if we never knew each other at all.
6 comments:
That isn't a character flaw, it is self preservation when people are about to walk over you. I call that healthy.
I agree with Anonyme, though it's sad that people would actually act that way. In spite of all your caring and giving, you still need to look out for #1!
yes, Mellissa you definitely need to look out for yourself and protect your heart, your soul.
Somehow, I think you will and still retain those caring, sweet qualities that those that know you in person and those of us in blogland who see that side of you only through your writing...
Having spent time with Lady M, the Bug, and Mellissa, I can speak with some kindness about what she writes about. I read words that are an outlet for conversations she wants to have but hasn't or will. It provides clarity when written, and shared. Not for approval or proof reading, though I would like her help with my writing. I know her heart, and at one time held its attnention it only to watch/let it go. The hard part in life is seeking respect, we can ask for it, but it comes with invitation, we can demand it and it comes with pretention. The greatest respect is earned. Reading your blog and knowing you both is a balance that contradicts itself. Writing is different than living. It is writing, even blogging is more writing than living. Your readers respect you because of your honesty, your true nature comes through your writing. There is no words of schedules, and stress from the work world that take up a large part of the business day. The words that people attach to are through your writing in vulnerability and honesty. Whether we create our own situations or solve them, you write about in a way that people love. That is a great quality you have.
It's not a character flaw. Not at all. Respect and care for each other is the basis for any relationship. Sometimes there can be misunderstandings, those can be solved, but at other times people let out their own fear and weaknesses at other people, curiously most often people they are very close to. Walking away from such a situation is showing strength. Sometimes, it's not easy though. I admire you.
I relate Lady so very much..... and like anon up there, it's a self preservation thing. Afterall, there's no one else on earth that will look after you better than you.
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