This afternoon I was really sad. I started the day on a happy note but quickly had my hopes let down again. Hope makes a fool out of the well intentioned heart. I left work for the Dr. feeling sort of ugly and unloved and just kind of used up and dirty. Like the person with the "Kick Me" sign on their back - just embarrassed and humiliated.
I had to go get my blood drawn today and I made my way over to the lab, focusing only on my little boy and the joy he will bring into my life, and the fact that God knows my heart and will provide for me, and one day, there will be a man of such magnitude that will scoop us up and love the both of us without hesitation or doubt. I was thankful that I have the blessings I do and the family I have, I tried to push all else to the side and I tried to smile and show a radiant woman to those who passed me by. I did it for Evan.
I will not fail in my growing or raising of him...but inside it was a fight to not feel like an ugly duckling, a cast off, someone of no value.
As I was leaving the lab, happy that I have only gained 1/2 lb. in a month, a stranger walked up to me with a smile, the warmest - sweetest smile. She said I was beautiful, and what pregnancy should look like! I smiled from ear to ear, my spirits were renewed in that moment by the kindness of a complete stranger. I looked like a lady she said. It was in stark contrast to the used up and discarded person I felt a couple of hours earlier. It was a sweet gift she gave me. I told her how much it meant to me on a hard day. I will carry her with me now forever; renewed in my faith that the kindness of a stranger can make all the difference in the world.
Kindness is never wasted ...
I hope that each person who reads this will do that for another person this week. Just show them a measure of kindness, you never know the profound affect you will have on their life...their day or their feelings about themselves.
While I cannot replace what is continually removed from me right now, I do appreciate and accept the small gifts of kindness and love that God places in my path to help me and my son navigate our way.
xoxo,
Mellissa & Evan (we're a team you know)
3 comments:
What a nice compliment for you to get from a total stranger.
It's unfortunate that the father of your baby doesn't want to spend time with you. Hopefully his attitude will change at some point and we can pnly pray that it will. At least I hope he'll be willing to be an active part of Evan's life when the time comes.
That's one of the reasons why I like blogging. The sense of family and community you get from fellow bloggers can be really cool.
I love that lady who said something to you! That is so sweet. When you have a good, loving heart, it's easy to put it out there over and over again hoping for a different response.
That is certainly a beautiful gift....and one sooo easy to give!! Thanks for the reminder!
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