Occlusal Adjustment Equilibration

Definition:

Bite adjustment which reduces overloading forces by reducing heavy contacts through gentle recontouring of tooth structure.

Outcome:

My mouth hurts!! Not the best way to start your day... I guess I have been grinding my teeth in my sleep and got my bite off....note to self...RELAX!!

One of My Favorites - Asparagus...

This was my dinner last night. One of my favorite things is Asparagus. I guarantee if you try this recipe you will be hooked. I learned this from my best friend, Pascale in Switzerland...she got the love of pumpkin pie from me - I got asparagus wrapped in ham!!

You will need:

1. Boursin Cheese (pronounced Bursan) - I like the cracked black pepper variety.
2. Olive Oil
3. Fresh asparagus
4. Thinly sliced dried ham - such as prosciutto di Parma (procuitto)

Buy good quality asparagus, the fattest stalks you can find. In preparation, you will snap the stalky end off the asparagus - nature tells you where by the flex point. It will snap where it is supposed to. Just bend the end down and let it pop.

Allow your Boursin to come to room temperature as it is a spreadeable cheese made with fine herbs and my favorite is the Black Pepper. You will spread about 1 tablespoon per each cluster of asparagus to be baked.

Choose three to four asparagus stalks and place them on top of the slice of parma ham. Put a tablespoon of Boursin in the midde, and bring the ends of the ham together to close the bundle of asparagus. Repeat this until you have made the desired number you wish to serve.

Drizzle a bit of olive oil in a baking dish or a pan and place the bundles on top. Lightly drizzle olive oil over the top and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for approximately 15 minutes depending on the size of your asparagus stalks. Small stalks can also be used, cooking about 7 minutes.

You will need nothing on top - no salt or pepper. The cheese will become melted and the ham will crispen and provide the salt for the dish.

I love serving this with a filet de bouf and fingerling potatoes with fresh parsley.

Enjoy!

Bug

I would rather you hate me than leave me

Blog note: This post is NOT written about me - rather about my impression of a statement said to me by another. Sometimes my Blog is a newsletter, and other times just a way to write down my thought progression. This is one of those examples...

“Please pray for my foster mother so that she and I can be friends and that she will love me. And for my real parents, please pray that they get what they deserve for abandoning me.”

How can I pray for the woman who beat you repeatedly, who turned her eye to your abuse by men? I don’t have the courage to pray for that request. I instead will pray for her soul and that God has mercy on her when she faces him.

Is it worse to be left behind that to be abused? In some minds, at least negative attention is less painful than being ignored. Not in mine, but then again I don’t have that broken history to live with.

I have been in a relationship that was, at times, verbally abusive. I would have rather had the abandonment than the harshness. At least in solitude there is peace. Luckily, no one in my life has raised a hand to me. God help them if they did, because I am a bit of a hellcat and you would all know me as the woman who “shot that man in the penis” than the sweet, lovable girl I am!

Anyway, I digress. I was thinking tonight on my way home about the levels of abuse we submit people to and are submitted to. I feel very lucky and blessed that while I can dish a heaping spoonful in the direction needed at times, I have never emotionally hurt another. I have never cut someone to the quick and left them to recover while I sat in haughty appreciation of my skills with the verbal knife. I haven’t left someone with words that still come around and threaten their confidence. It is hard to turn the other cheek and I usually find myself reeling by a personal attack – most often less on the defensive than just feeling wounded and betrayed and unable to speak.

So, before I head off to have a bite of dinner and read for a bit, I want to ask each of you who reads this to take stock of yourselves. Please try to give someone in your life a little extra kindness this week. You never know, you might just be the balm that helps heal the wound inside them. There are a lot of walking wounded out there…..

God Bless –

Bug

Everest

Today I made a hasty exit. I had been too exposed and withdrew immediately. I don’t like being vulnerable and tend to keep safe by keeping to myself.

I know that is not the right way to be, but as the years progress I find that my ability to open up to another is harder. It is my Everest. Today I went to base camp and was left feeling the need to go back down. The air was too thin and I was afraid. No matter how skillful the guide, trust is not easily given in my world anymore. I am not ready to climb mountains. I think a quiet path along a stream is more my comfort zone right now.

Xoxo,
Bug

Dream House

If I could pick a home, I think this would be it! No one could reach you if you wanted to be left alone, there would be no sounds of cars whizzing by or people going through your garbage can and you could go outside in your underwear with the dog!!

Yep, this would be the place, and I would change my name to Heidi and run around barefoot in all that grass and buy a couple of cows and a goat named Molly and sing the "The hills are alive with the sound of music" while wearing traditional Swiss dress and eating Gruyere cheese and Sprungli chocolate.

Good grief, I have lost my mind - I need to go to work.

xoxo,
Bug

p.s. that is a REAL house - I took a picture of it from my train window on my way from Lucerne to Interlaken Switzerland..my guess is that it is a cheese storage house though...

Shhhhh, NO MORE TALKING.....

Why did you call me now? What was the reason you decided to chat with me at 2:20 a.m. and call back at 2:40 a.m. Yes, I was awake, yes I laughed with you, was coy with my answers and tried to seem o.k. with it. But I am tired of this scenario!!

We were together for 7 months - SEVEN MONTHS and you could not move forward with me and now this? Now that I have done the work, cried the tears and stepped towards what is in front of me and you want to know if I want to come for dinner, you want to tell me that you learned to care for others from your relationship with me, you want to tell me that you stepped back into your past and finally closed that chapter?

Well I can't talk this way with you...you see, I am TIRED of this scenario with the men I allow into my life. They don't know a good thing till it's gone and I am left to pick up the pieces and move forward...only to have them call me in the usual three month time frame wanting to be friends with me, wanting to have my laughter back into their lives, wanting that woman who inspires them to be greater than they were, think larger than they did, love bolder than they had before, express themselves physically more than they had before.

Well I just can't do that. Thank you for calling...it is now 3:15 a.m. and I am tired..in more ways than one.

Why does the past always come back to haunt?

Revisiting

Up, up – pushing with legs to reach a bit higher. I was laughing and wanted to jump off, just like when, as a child I sat – full of motion in a spot like this.

The last of the pre-fall nights, still warm enough for sleeveless shirts and bare legs found me feeling alive again.

The difference was, that you were there beside me, swinging even higher. Shoes off and smiling.

What a great way to end an evening with someone you enjoy. Nothing fancy, just swinging on the playground.

Jessica Eh?

Tonight my date said I was like Jessica Rabbit....

Yum...

Night!

xoxo,
Bug

My Heart Is In Motion

I was recalling a conversation I had with my mother a few months back. She and I were talking about volunteerism and how important giving back to others is. I had gone through a little rough patch the past few months, and was pretty down on myself. My mother reminded me that it is hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are busy helping others. It is sometimes necessary to take the attention you are giving yourself away from yourself and give it to another.

So I made a decision that I had been pondering over for a few months and gave someone a "yes" answer. I was scared to death when I said it out loud, and was teary for half the day that I was due to begin my volunteering. I was afraid and I was not worthy. I was about to face myself head-on and know that I have never experienced pain like they had, and that my sadness was just a spoiled girls pity party. You see, they know pain - I merely know disappointment.

The sad truth is that every year, the Department of Family and Children's Services removes thousands of children from unhealthy homes. Most people believe that they just go to Foster Homes and that is the end of it. Do you ever think about the children that are so horribly abused that they cannot function in a normal environment? I had not. There are children who are abused physically or sexually over many years by parents or protectors. These children do not understand the idea of "home" as their homes were their torture chambers, not their protected spaces. It is a horrific truth. It humbles me and brings me to tears.

You see, these children need special care. They need intensive therapy. They need reinforcement of what a healthy adult relationship looks like. They need to have gender identity, they need love, they need stability. If you say you will be there - you must be there...for everyone else in their lives let them down. I have decided to be there for as long as it takes.

I have a group of 14 children between the ages of 12 & 17 who have asked for someone to come and talk to them about faith, about God, about love. They needed someone to pray with them and help them understand. I was asked to be that someone. It took me two months to say yes. A large part of that is because of the untimely death of Teri Niles this year. For those of you who know me, you know how painful and significant that passing was to me.

So, in turn - I would like to ask each of you that stop by to read, to say a prayer for me, or send positive thoughts my way when you meditate or have your quiet time. I sure could use the re-enforcement as this is a pretty tough crowd. No more thinking about me....and my disappointments. I am a lucky girl. I have never known true hurt in my life.

Thanks all.

Mellissa

Oh DEAR LORD

I keep having little flashbacks to last night....and shake my head and sigh just the faintest sigh...and smile to myself....

6'4", 260 lbs, legs like tree trunks, blue eyes, extrovert, loving father, mountain, successful, handsome, gentle. I was caught off guard thinking we would be great friends...until he leaned over and kissed me - for three hours....

(((sigh)))

xoxo,
Ladybug

Oh NANCY - PUHLEEZ

Do you all know this woman?? I have kind of a sick relationship going on with Nancy Grace. I happen to catch her on CNN and have a really hard time changing the channel even though I feel pretty nauseous just hearing her voice.

She touts herself as a Childrens' Advocate..but really, she is only advocating herself...and her opinion. It is really odd to watch..and you should hear my impersonation of her...it has gotten pretty good...which is a SAD thing. I think her facial expression over there on the left says it all!

Vanilla

"Is it so bad to be vanilla?", I thought in response to your comment. I miss the vanilla moments in my life.

I miss the comfy white cotton underwear and tee shirt, you know, the kind you wear when life is real and you are not trying to be a hot fudge sundae...you are just natural vanilla in its simplistic beauty.

I miss waking up on a Sunday morning, my face fresh from the shower, no makeup painted on like Neapolitan, strawberry for the lips, chocolate for the eyes...I love the days when my man sees me in my purest...my vanilla face. The real me.

I miss looking up in the middle of the night into eyes that know my soul, and hands that know what I love. Nothing spectacular needed to impress, no inventive flavors, no sprinkles for adornment.....You see, for me, when you truly make love - you just need vanilla. Nothing satisfies your appetite for sweetness quite like it.

Don't get me wrong. I am a master at all the flavors, but somehow, right now in my life I sure would love a little "vanilla".

xoxo,
Bug

What's Up With THAT?

You all know that I just love Williams-Sonoma, love to cook, love to get the catalogue, have All-Clad stainless steel cookware and KNOW how to use it...but I gotta draw the line.

Today as I was thumbing the new arrival...something caught my eye...and you all know how much I love a good rant about a "stupid" thing I see. I think the last time was when Pottery Barn was selling small bags of sand for $8.50..anyway, I digress.

Now, here is the topper. For $49.95 (yes, that is what I meant to type) you can buy a SAUSAGE to serve your guests....(I am quite sure you do not get the cute bayleaf garni shown in photo).

WHAT? Since when do we have to pay $50 for SAUSAGE - and yes, I have to keep capitalizing it - for the impact of how I hear this in my head! O.k. so who cares if it is super duper Italian truffle-fed by Sophia Loren pig, free ranging around the Tuscan countryside. It is still mashed up pig parts stuffed into intestine casing...local markets carry this for $7.99 per pound and I am not even going into the Publix Brand for $5.00 per pack.

I swear - I just gotta go to bed.

P.S. Had a date tonight...was so gonna cancel at the last minute but decided against it. He ended up being nice. But who can think about that when I have all this important rant stuff to talk about.

xoxo,
Bug

Good Evening

Hi there,

Well, as you can see - I am back...it was a nice little break, but now back to blogging as usual!

It is really nice to write again for a smaller readership. On Ladybug, my original Blog, I was getting between 250/300 readers a day. I thought it was a bit too much when you could "Google" Pottery Barn and my site would come up in the first 5 hits...then you know it is time to scale it down a little. I had an amazing year on that Blog. We had the "Cheater Frenchman"...remember him?? Well, girls were also "Googling" his name and guess where they ended up...you got it...so I had lots of emails - all the same line of questioning...I had a lot of laughs just reading and deleting those and thinking "oh, poor girl - you have NO idea what you are getting yourself into." Then there was Footman...yes, a man who happened to notice a picture of me on the Blog with my foot exposed and off he went to pay homage to me on his fetish website...after finding out about the event, I asked him nicely to remove it - and he complied..who would have ever thought!

So you all have been with me through three jobs and two boyfriends, and the suitors that come along from time to time, lots of travel and gossip, the death of one of my readers who became a dearest friend and some serious stuff about my heart and the way I think. For those of you who still follow me and have found the site, thanks for reading along and for laughing with me through the last couple of years.

You will notice that I will re-post many of my Blogs from 2005/2006. None have comments remaining and that is a shame, because I enjoyed those sometimes more than writing!! I erased all the comments when I took down the original Blog.

So, here we go again....let's play!

xoxo,
Ladybug

Jersey Mike's & Cupcakes

I had invited a friend of mine out for brunch for her birthday which was yesterday. She is always complaining about her friends not being interested in her, and that she doesn't have enough of a social life, no man, no family ties, etc. So when I extended the invitation to take her to brunch, she accepted and I thought that was that. I hated to think that she would be alone on her special day.

So I went out and bought her a small gift, wrote a card, baked homemade cupcakes for her. When I caught up with her on IM (our main form of communication) she indicated that she was tired and having a slow morning and so I asked if dinner would be better. After she said yes, I made reservations for dinner at 7:30 p.m. ....she never made it over to my house, she IM'd me after I had left her several IM's saying, is is 6 p.m. ping me when you get in, it is 7:08 p.m. and dinner is at 7:30 p.m., etc. She finally IM'd me that she had fallen asleep and had only woken up 15 minutes prior to seeing my messages....mind you, our dinner was firm and confirmed. I thought she was out for the afternoon maybe doing something productive and fun so not seeing her online did not bother me so much. I just stayed on course to be ready by 7 p.m......

So there I sat, dressed and irritated...so I took myself to Jersey Mike's for a sub and I ate a cupcake for dessert...and to think - my best friend Kerri was having a rough day - and I could have been spending time with her instead.

You see, if you look around and find yourself without friends, without invitations for dinners out, weekends away, people not returning phone calls or emails to you, do the math and rememeber to have a friend, you have to be a friend.

I won't be extending myself to this person anymore. I have true friends to look after.

Working Out, Weinerwhistles & TLC

Well, life is a bit quiet here in Atlanta. I have been spending lots of time alone or with my best girlfriends. I have been trying to workout more (ugh) and get ready for a trip to the beach in a couple of weeks.

When I am not gabbing on the phone or playing with Maggie, I have found myself catching up on t.v. - yes, something that I used to never have on is now a constant companion and my show of choice lately is TLC's "What NOT To Wear"....Maggie is wondering what the constant noise is in the house!!

During said t.v. watching last night, I saw a commercial for Oscar Mayer - they were announcing a new product, one I might add that really baffled me! It was for pre-packaged hotdogs - in the bun...in packs of three. Have we really become so complacent that it is too much effort to buy the hotdogs and the buns and build them ourselves? I was curious about that one, so naturally I went to the Oscar Mayer website (note to how my nutty mind works) to check up on this new product so I could write a rant about it.

What would surprise you is that I found a section on the front of the Oscar Mayer website that says "Learn to Play the Weinerwhistle"....complete with a picture of a weiner-shaped thingy and a blurb that says it is a "full-blown" whistle....I will leave it at that and suffice it to say that someone at that company had a little inside joke going. I laughed to myself the rest of the night.

Man, is my life ever boring right now!!!

xoxo,
Honeybee

Bastille Day

I awoke this morning to a view I will never forget. Marseilles – what an amazing place – what a stunning coastline. We arrived last night well after midnight after taking the TGV from Paris into Marseilles. We have come for the wedding of Olivier and Frederique in Cassis, France. I am thrilled to be here with Steve, who has turned out to be a perfect gentleman and a wonderful friend for the rest of my life. I adore him – the little things that make him unique, and the fact that he takes longer in the bath than I do…so a little patience is needed as I really have to pee!!!!
We will have an easy morning before heading over to pick up our car and drive along the coastline to the neighboring town of Cassi. I can only imagine the beauty this day will hold. I cannot imagine it topping the view from our hotel room this morning. It literally took my breath when I pulled the curtain back.

Travel Journal
Marseilles – July 14, 2006

Diary about a Madman

Today I saw the best-looking man I have ever seen in my life. He looked like Charlton Heston in the Ten Commandments. He had beautiful hair and the bluest eyes. They were cobalt.

He was sitting on the corner of the Porte Maillot with some bags at his feet. He was looking at me intently and speaking words I did not understand…words in French.

He was a homeless man, and the corner he sat on was home. As he kept speaking and looking at me, I recognized the look of schizophrenia. He was the most handsome madman in the world.

It made me wonder what his life had been like before the onset….

Travel Journal
Paris – July 13, 2006

That Old Black Magic....

It is really harder to determine which I will remember long after leaving Paris this time – will it be the moon that flirted with me each night, or the lesson in patience and letting people have their time to become comfortable with you.

I am missing writing my thoughts on my blog. More and more each day I think about how much I would like to express something to myself, or think again in a metaphor, but I think it is better this way, to live the life rather than just writing about it all the time or dreaming about it in my head.

We had an amazing dinner on Monday L’Atlier Du Joel Robichon – have to work on the spelling later on, but it was the first time I felt close to Steve tonight and so happy in his company. We had Basil ice cream which was amazing and he well took care of me.

After dinner we rode his bike to the top of Montmartre and looked at the city in the moonlight. That big ol’ full moon casting a glow over my favorite city. I held on tightly as we tore off down the hill for home, laughing over the bumpy cobblestone streets on the way to the Seine. Steve stopped his bike at the Eiffel Tower – 2:00 a.m. and it was sparkling in lights – he said it was France’s way of welcoming be back. Perfect.

Travel Journal
Paris - July 11, 2006

J'Arrive

I arrived in Paris this morning, a bit ahead of schedule. My partner for the flight over was a quiet man who looked a bit like a 18th Century writer. It turns out, that he is an architect, quite renowned for his work – and fresh from consulting on a project in Chile. He teaches in the states as well at such notable universities as Georgia Tech, Harvard and Princeton to name a few. He lives in Paris and is widowed now for 25 years. He has a daughter that attends Vanderbilt in the States and he misses her terribly. As we left the plane, he wished me a wonderful stay in his city and a safe journey back home.

The weather was overcast and it was early, as we arrived around 6:00 a.m. – much too early for the standing in the long line at immigration. I was so pleased to see my friend and collected a hug from him as we made our way along to the parking area and the short ride to have a coffee in the 16th, my favorite of all the Arrondissements. Café crème and a croissant were on order as we caught up with what we had done since we saw each other last in Barcelona. The rain began to fall in a soft pattern along the street as we sat in an open doorway and took in the fragrance. “I am in Paris again”, I thought to myself as I looked into the eyes of my wonderful company.

A five minute drive later brought us to Steve’s apartment in Neuilly Sur Seine and I look up as we passed my friend Frederique’s apartment on the corner of the Port Maillot and I wondered if he was home or traveling again. I thought of his cousin and the last time I was in Paris as a part of this band of family…so funny how a year changes things.

The apartment is beautiful, awash in white with a fireplace in the dining room and a wonderful kitchen, so large for Paris standards. I love it here, especially the large windows that cover the front, affording views of rooftops and trees.

I am off to take a nap and then scoot off for lunch before preparing for the World Cup Final match tonight……I am hoping for a win for France.

Travel Journal - Paris
July 10th

Prickly Pear

I was speaking with my mom on the phone last night, and she told me I was a bit of a "Prickly Pear" sometimes.

Mind you, this is not the first time I have heard her say this to me...but it has been the first time in quite a while. I told her it was just because of XY&Z that I was a stinger right now, and she laughed and told me that I was born with this temperament..... Recounting stories from when I was small - and we both laughed when I told her that either she or my daddy then needed to step up and take some responsibility for this as it must have come from one, the other - or a little in both of them!!

Well, sure enough - I was a prickly pear this morning with SvdB when he called to discuss our trip. I will leave out the details, but suffice it to say - he got a bit of me without my coffee and hung up to remove some of those prickles from his skin.....

So I am now sipping my coffee and feeling bad about snapping at him - I guess I could blame my mom and dad and that recessed Prickly gene that made its way to me!! Ha ha ha...((just kidding - do feel bad about being grouchy))..

You all can tell him that it is the exception - and not the NORM that I am grouchy and a butt o.k.!!

xoxo,
Bug

Isn't It Ironic

I spy in my eye
A wrinkle
A twinkle
A handsome guy

Tick tock
Start stop
Ready not
Writes a lot

I love you
I love you too
No I don't
I said I won't

Click clack
Door crack
Wrote it down
Left from town

Live it out
Live it over
Pen it in
You can't win

I spy in my eye
Likes to hurt
Sometimes curt
Standing in a pig stye

Portrait of A Lady

In quiet reflection she sat that evening and wondered to herself about the events of the past. Funny how past and present still sit as partners in your soul, each one bringing out the sensibility and emotion of the other.

What interesting thoughts swirl inside her mind on these occassions. Each one like a color, memories and life that make a watercolor painting that is abstract and is seen as different things on different days.

Sometimes in the stillness of the evening, she sits alone, but not lonely. You see, she is looking at her painting, the one the memories made and the present frames so beautifully.Life imitates art she has heard - but to her, life is the art in and of itself.

Oh REALLY Now.....

It is 7 a.m. and I am having my morning coffee and surf....I pinged Pascale (for those of you who don't know her.....scroll down some posts) on Yahoo Messenger to have our morning catch up.

This is the excerpt of our conversation:

Bug: Hello
Bug: I loaded Skype again on my computer
Bug: I am thinking of ditching Yahoo
Pascale: I saw it.
Pascale: Don't disturb me reading your blog
Bug: oh REALLY now -
Bug: well there is a first.

So now it is official. My friends don't want to chat with me because they are busy "reading" about me. I wish I were closer so we could just have a coffee - with the computer turned OFF.

xoxo and love you P!!

M

Magnets

I was thinking this afternoon about magnets - or magnetic force. Do you remember when you were a kid and you had two magnets and you would hold them against each other to feel the force of them pushing away - only then to make a minor adjustment, flipping one of the magnets, and viola - they snap together in a tight fit?

I wonder about this in relationships - not just dating relationships, but friendships and family dynamics as well. I used to always feel like the magnet that had to flip over - to remove the force dynamic and make things snap. I realized though, that I am tired of flipping over while the other force stays static.

In dating it is the same way. I was speaking my mind to a friend over dinner the other night, stating a basic principle and I was told that pressure does not work, and that instead, investing in my dating "sales pipeline" was the way to go. The conversation was funny and lighthearted, but got me thinking.

Why should one person have to stifle needs, instincts and desire for closeness to flip into another's field. Is that fair - to be unfulfilled, but silently waiting, playing your cards right and hoping for the other party to flip....

Women go through this all the time and I give you examples:

1. Don't be too eager - check
2. Don't call the man - check
3. Pretend you are busy sometimes - check
4. Don't pull the DTR (define the relationship) card too early - check
5. Don't put pressure or state needs, the man will run - check (oh poor baby)
6. Wait until the man says he only wants to see you exclusively - check.

Well that is a lot of check boxes ladies - and although most are easy if you have any self respect, some are being executed at the expense of your expression, your personality, your wings.

So here is my edict. Six months is long enough. I am not flipping any more. Time to make a choice.

Not hatin' just sayin'

xoxo,
Bug

Reflections of....

Good morning everyone,

I am back home again, feeling great after having slept a full 9 hours in my own bed, with Mag's curled up at my feet and my sheets and my bathroom available for a night trip without running into anything - my mind still remembers the way to the sink in the dark and it is comforting to wake to the sounds of my morning birds!

All I wanted was a Starbucks and and Egg McMuffin for Maggie (yes, I know.....) so we headed out in the car, still half-asleep for our Sunday morning ritual. All was going well until I just nipped that curve oh so slightly - I guess my rhythm was off from not driving for 11 days.....There was a strange sound and I let out a sigh - resigning myself to a lack of coffee and a lesson in trying to figure out the jack on my car......which I was un-successful in attempting.

I was really wanting a man at home at this point - not that I remembered to bring my cell phone along for the "short" trip out I was taking for body fuel.... So I am home again, having driving 1 mile per hour on a flat tire. I still haven't figured out how to change it and as you can tell, I am too tired to deal with it......so I will make a phone call to Roadside Assistance and order myself a man who can get the lug nuts off my wheel and teach me how it is done.

Maggie and I are sitting outside together and I am thinking how much she needs a bath and a haircut as she is beginning to look a bit like George Washington in a powdered wig and smelling a little like a dog, which we both don't care for too much.

My flight yesterday was a long one, just over 9 hours sitting next to a man who drank red wine the entire flight and ended up smelling like a casque. I did my best to ignore him although we were four inches apart. "Don't even think about chatting with me" was my vibe, and for those of you who read me and those of you who know me - know that is a near impossibility for me...as I talk to everyone. But he was not an option.

When I arrived home there was a friendly face to greet me and flowers and a bag of fresh cherries - one of my favorites. I was so happily on my way home after dealing with the location of my bag and the change in temperature outside. I wanted the jeans off and shorts on. I wanted a shower and a big glass of water and my bed. All of which were accomplished in short order.

So more later on the trip and my recollections....right now I have a call to make and a dog to wash.....and I have to go to work today.

xoxo,
Bug

Home

I am getting ready to come home. I am excited to be back in my house, with my things and my routine. I am looking forward to again writing from this spot, with Maggie at my side.

Travel is great - but coming home is always a treat for the soul....."see" you soon.
xoxo,
Bug

Thinking

I keep thinking about you....I find myself fading out a little bit and spending time in reflection of what you were and how you came to be.

I keep praying for you....Even though you no longer need it from me, I am not sure what else to do to remember you.

I am missing you......Even though we never met, you were a part of me and now that is gone.

I am thinking of you....and feeling the loss.

Barcelona - My Birthday

Sometimes pictures are worth a thousand words. We had a wonderful night out for my birthday - celebrating together. They turned out all the lights in the restaurant and brought my cake and everyone sang together. I felt like a princes. It was wonderful!!

Mellissa

For Teri - Rest In Peace

I keep thinking about you....I find myself fading out a little bit and spending time in reflection of what you were and how you came to be.

I keep praying for you....Even though you no longer need it from me, I am not sure what else to do to remember you.

I am missing you......Even though we never met, you were a part of me and now that is gone.

I am thinking of you....
- and feeling the loss.

For Teri in Texas - In Memorium

Tonight I received an email that has broken my heart and shaken me to the core. I am unsettled, angry and very, very sad. Seven months ago, I met a woman named Teri who had been reading my blog. While it is a long story to tell and it is too painful to write at this moment, I will say that she was lovely. She had escaped an abusive relationship, reunited with her brother, survived a great ordeal and was in the process of re-building her life. I was proud of her, and proud to be her friend. Although we never met, her emails always brought a smile to my face.

About a month ago she wrote me and I returned the email with a great deal of advice tendered with love. I never got a reply and was thinking about this just before my trip away. I was missing her and thought of sending a note her way but decided to hold off as she may have needed some time to digest what we had spoken of.

That email will never be returned - Teri was murdered two weeks ago. This is not supposed to happen - she was trying, she was rebuilding and she was wounded by life - she just wanted to start over and be happy, to have her job and a new love in her life.

Please say a prayer for her family and those she loved. I will never forget her...never. I am re-posting my Blog from February 15th of this year in her honor. Teri, I am sorry this happened to you dearest, sweet woman.


FOR TERI



This is my prayer tonight and what is on my heart. May all those who read these words keep this prayer in motion each day.


Dear God,

Watch over her and bring her peace and healing. Send Angels to walk on either side of her, and Arc Angels to guard her from ahead and behind.

Lift her spirit more each day and bless her efforts of recovery and renewal. Grant wisdom for the future; grace for the past and loving arms to hold her at the end of each day. Fill her soul with the comfort of your voice and place her firmly in the circle of love that you created for each of us.

***********************

We are one my sweet sister, please know that although we have never met, I am walking this journey with you in my heart and on my knees.

May God bless and keep you. May God shine his light upon you and give you peace.

With respect and affection,

Mellissa

Rainy Morning in Zurich

The flight part is over and I was greeted at the Zürich airport by the most beautiful, tall blond Swiss woman holding a balloon that said "Welcome" and had little ladybugs all over it. It was a great start to the trip and brought such a smile to my face to see Pascale again.

We headed out into the rain towards her home and I crashed for a couple of hours before we met up for lunch in a little restaurant across from the lake of Zürich where we munched on a flat bread pizzaish thing (tarte flambée) and salads. It was the beginning of our catch up time, since we have not been together in person since we spent New Year together in Paris in 2003/2004

I have now come to the village of Küsnacht, which is a short distance away from Zürich and houses the offices of my boss. I am kicked back at his computer drinking a coffee and writing to you all before he comes in here and catches me and gives me the boot.....

Pascale is reading over my shoulder and correcting the proper grammar for Swiss words :-0 that is why you see all the funny little characters in the text....those Swissies, always so precise!!!!

I am off now to go look up a tee shirt for Pascale and have another cup of coffee so I can survive dinner and cocktails.

Photo's coming soon....

xoxo,
Bug

Taking Off

Well, here we are - another travel day has arrived and I am sooo not ready to go. I still have lots of prep to do before my car arrives at 2:00 to take Maggie to the Inn At Barking Hound Village and then me to the airport for my flight to Zürich.

Clothes are still sitting on the bed and I am Blogging - great huh!! Nothing like being prepared. I guess it is because I have been doing so much running around lately that I literally have been unpacking one suitcase in order to pack another.

I have a deadline to get off my hiney by 8:00 a.m. and get it together - so it is a quick "chat" with you all and finishing my coffee and then off to the races.

My mobile phone needed a quick replacement and I upgraded from the Blackberry to the Nokia 9300 with full web browser and international unlimited data so I can keep up with you all from the road and check my emails which I am addicted to I hate to say. I think at times I am a little too connected!!

I am sitting outside with Maggie watching the sun peek out above the tree-line and wash everything in gold - mornings sure are lovely.

Update - 8:36 a.m. Packing done! Now I have to run out and do my last minute errands and get lip plumper for my girlfriend Pascale (((snicker))...the things we do for beauty!!

I will leave you with a saying that is most on my mind right now. It is from Brian Andreas, one of my favorite writers. I have mentioned him in my blog before and have a link to his website on the left.
This is for you...

"I held him close for only a short time, but after he was gone, I'd see his smile on the face of a perfect stranger & I knew he would be there with me all the rest of my days. " - Brian Andreas

So folks - I will write you from Zürich tomorrow with the news. Please say hi as I would love to read little notes from you on the road.

xoxo,
Ladybug

Rosemary & Time....Bliss

Here are a few pics from my weekend at Rosemary. I am now off to unpack one suitcase and prep another - I have two days to get ready to go again....Zürich is rainy and 58 degrees and Barcelona is 80 degrees and sunny plus work stuff - so this is going to be an interesting packing assignment ;-)
I leave Thursday evening for Zurich and will arrive Friday morning - in time for a quick nap and then a train ride to Kuesnacht where I will meet up with some folks for lunch. Saturday is girls day with Pascale and a night out on the town! Sunday is a relaxing day with a trip out to see Pascales' mom and dad and then Monday it is off to Barcelona.

Since work does not start until a cocktail reception on Wednesday night it will just be some prep meetings and fun with the gang. They are all taking me out Monday night for my birthday dinner and since Matt Digweed from Manchester, UK will be there - it is sure to be a rowdy night!! I got my assignment for the conference and I will be moderating the panelists and speakers for Track 5 of our conference - Banking and Information Technology - have to brush up on my timing to keep the schedule clean and the long-winded Bankers on target.

I spoke with my boss yesterday and asked if he could refer me to a position in London with some contacts he has there. I am ready for a change.

Hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day - and that you remember to take a moment to thank those who put their lives on the line for our freedom both past and present.

xoxo,
Mellissa

Give Me A Break

O.K. I have really had it with women's fashion magazines. I won't even go into the same ol' same ol' articles that each one has each month - I glance at them in the supermarket and just smile to myself thinking that they are like a big ol' bunch of recipe swappers - each magazine writing about the same things, just changing one ingredient...

What frosts my rear is the "fashion" spreads.... I am just gonna rant for a second here and then be done with it. I AM TIRED OF SEEING 15 YEAR OLD GIRLS MODELING WOMEN'S CLOTHES. Whew, thanks for listening, I almost feel better now....but not quite.

I want to see WOMEN modeling women's clothes. I want to see a $3000 dress on a woman that can afford it, that has the patina of experience, that has smoldering, sexy eyes that let you know she has seen and done some things. I want breasts that are mature filling out the dress and curves that fill out a womans body. I don't want to see little girls playing dress up in Nina Ricci or Chloe or Oscar de la Renta!!! I look at these little girls and want them to be over in the Gap Kids ads or Abercrombie & Fitch where they belong!!! Lovely little things that they are and I can fully appreciate them, but GIVE ME A BREAK already.

I want to see my girls on there - women I would go out with and have cocktails and gossip with, women who know about a great Barolo or who have been to the opera or have had a baby or lived life and its ups and downs.

So, Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Mademoiselle, Glamour, W and all the rest of you. Get off your butts and hire some women to do the work. That is what we want and we are the ones who are buying those clothes for the types of events I listed above.

Thank you.
Mellissa

Rosemary Beach Break

Here are a few pics from my weekend at Rosemary. I am now off to unpack one suitcase and prep another - I have two days to get ready to go again....Zurich is rainy and 58 degrees and Barcelona is 80 degrees and sunny plus work stuff - so this is going to be an interesting packing assignment ;-)

I leave Thursday evening for Zurich and will arrive Friday morning - in time for a quick nap and then a train ride to Kuesnacht where I will meet up with some folks for lunch. Saturday is girls day with Pascale and a night out on the town! Sunday is a relaxing day with a trip out to see Pascales' mom and dad and then Monday it is off to Barcelona.
Since work does not start until a cocktail reception on Wednesday night it will just be some prep meetings and fun with the gang. They are all taking me out Monday night for my birthday dinner and since Matt Digweed from Manchester, UK will be there - it is sure to be a rowdy night!! I got my assignment for the conference and I will be moderating the panelists and speakers for Track 5 of our conference - Banking and Information Technology - have to brush up on my timing to keep the schedule clean and the long-winded Bankers on target.

I spoke with my boss yesterday and asked if he could refer me to a position in London with some contacts he has there. I am ready for a change. If this does not work out, I am thinking of soliciting a position with IBM there. There might be an opportunity for me in Tampa, Florida or another here in Atlanta. Wish me luck. The changes are in motion now and I am quite determined to live them out.

Hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day - and that you remember to take a moment to thank those who put their lives on the line for our freedom both past and present.

xoxo,
Mellissa

Sometimes

Sometimes we can capture a moment so brilliantly. Sometimes that moment is digitally preserved for our memory bank, and sometimes it is etched in our heart, or in our mind's eye.

This was one of those moments for me - a simple kiss that lasted well after the photograph snapped. A wonderful sunset, a beautiful beach, and two people who were just enjoying the simplicity of being together.

HJR, thank you for the wonderful weekend away.

One of My Favorites - Rosemary Beach

Well, we are here - and it is magical. Rosemary Beach is one of my favorite places to go, and somehow I always end up here around my birthday!

Jim and I drove down yesterday, and in true man fashion he did not use the directions I printed out, saying he knew the way down to Destin, Florida - and he did....that is a first ;-)

We spent the afternoon out at the pool and riding our bikes and relaxing a little. When I got to the pool, I was thinking about Mexico again.....

So things here are going well and I am happily relaxing in my nightgown while Jim is out on a 15 mile cycle. I would have been game, but when you put on your bike shorts and training jersey - count me out. I am a little more about flip flops, bike baskets and sundresses right now. He can go be manly while I sit here and sip coffee...

I will write another post this afternoon or sooner as I have some other thoughts bunking around...thoughts about a monster ;-)

xoxo,
Bug

Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler—Let The Good Times Roll. ...

Well, I have decided to start rolling again. I want to go back to the way I used to be - and travel is my passion!

With that said, I am off this weekend to Rosemary Beach Florida with Jim where we will spend the weekend in a beautiful carriage house at the beach.

The following Thursday I will leave for Zurich to spend time with one of my dearest friends, Pascale and we will finally have that catch up time we have needed. A long weekend in Switzerland for my 38th birthday!

That Monday (my birthday) I will head to Barcelona for a week of part work and part play with my co-workers at IBM.

So, Mexico, two trips to Florida, Zurich and Barcelona in under 30 days. I think that should do it! I'm BACK!!! ;-)

xoxo.
Bug

I Thought About It

I saw it there, paragraphs of a backwards apology, finger pointing with the words written to make us equal by saying "I may have done this, but you do too", as though apples and oranges were the same because they are fruit.

It is funny how people use the word "We" to deflect what should solely be taken on as "I" - in an effort to make it easier on themselves.

You see, I don't agree with this philosophy in life, if you act alone, or something is one-sided, be an "I" and make it stick. Don't dilute your responsibility in something by saying "We did", or "We are not" or "We keep on.." 'cause no, "We" don't, but you do.

So this morning as I sit here with my coffee - I thought about it, for a moment before writing this and allowing it to be set free out of my mind. I am reminded once again that some doors are to be left closed, and that you cannot offer friendship to everyone.

What Does Today Bring

What will she write today.....what will we click and find? Will it be the happy-go-lucky girl, or the one that life kicks a little from time to time. These two things make me un-unique, I am just like everyone else I know, except for the small fact that I Blog and it is accessible to all.

My thoughts for today are pretty random, so I will just jot them down and let you see what is for you and I will know what is just for me ;-)

• Unexpected presents rock - THANK YOU.
• I have a reader daily from the UK - Who are you?
• Maggie won't eat her breakfast - spoiled dog!!
• am_pm - what a wonderful email - I will write you soon!
• I am sorry about the loss of your friend L.
• My fingers still smell of spearmint & eculaptyus - hmmm.
• James Blunt rocks and I will never listen to "High" the same way again.
• Simplify your projects and accomplish one thing at a time.
• Smile more often - it makes people think you have a secret - and maybe you do...
• My toes are brown and it reminds me that being outside is a gift.
• I wish we could be a "we" - because "we" are awesome and simple.
• Good tomatoes are the stuff of legends. When was the last time you bit into a really good one?
• Bryce has the most beautiful child I have ever seen. The world needs to watch out for her!!!
• I am at a crossroad in my life.
• I dream of running away and living abroad. I could totally do it. I might.
• My 38th birthday is weeks away....I love who I am at this age.
• I am unsettled - in a good way.
• I keep thinking about the lie you told. Shame on you, I hope you reconcile it with yourself.
• That tattoo of Vera still makes me laugh.
• I miss the beach. I am ready to go again.

So that is it in a nutshell. I was told recently that I am a "hard nut" and I think about that a little. I am not, I just show that side to people I don't know. I think it throws them off a little.

Hope you all are well - and happy.

xoxo,
Bug

Recovered

Well I think I am going to make it! I just got my second wind and am watching Maggie run back and forth in the yard looking for a chipmunk. She just rocks!!

I can't believe the change in the weather from Mexico to Atlanta. I left sunny and 94 degrees and am now in breezy 72 degrees!! Life is in full-swing again and the phone is ringing and emails are coming and chats with friends are making me feel restored again.

I love looking down at my feet and seeing the mark of vacation sun on them - I keep playing back through the week, thinking of the friends made and the memories that will linger with me long into old age. The night we arrived at our hotel, 200 members of the British Army descended on the hotel - fresh from a jungle training course in Belize for six weeks. We were adopted by the boys and protected each and every night. It was nice to sleep out on the beach, knowing we were flanked by some pretty strong men who would let nothing happen to us. We in return laughed at British humor, learned a lot of Army slang and danced the nights away. We handed out Advil and Benadryl and shared our music and our sun block. We shared dinners of wine and steak and were serenaded by musicians.

So, in short, we went to Mexico - we got some sun, we laughed a lot, we made some friends for life and we healed. No detail about us went un-noticed from our toes to our eyes and we were complimented in genuine appreciation. It was lovely. I am glad I went! Thanks Lads!

Cheers~

A New Day

I could feel it as soon as I woke up this morning. It is a new day - I am un-tethered and standing fully alone. I don't feel much of anything at all actually, perhaps just a little bit of resignation and a little peace.

I am ready for a big change in my life. I can feel it, something different is coming. I have an idea of what that is, but I will keep it to myself for now. I can say that I miss my family and I am tired of living so far away from a support structure. No one can be an island - I am beginning to realize that.

HJR - I hope you understand why I said we could not speak again. It is just for my health right now. I woke up this morning and wanted to tell you one more thing......but I won't. Please know that I will miss you very, very much.

Well, I am off to shower and take this day by the thumb and make it kneel before me. It will be a busy one - and I am looking forward to stepping back into my routine.

x0x0,
Bug

"Maz"

You offered your ear buds to me as you stood and made your way into the sea. The song played through and my breath caught in my throat. How fitting I thought to myself as I watched you walk along the shore towards the beckoning turquoise.

The quiet one of the group, always watching, rarely speaking. The gentleman soldier with kind eyes. The song said everything - Thank you and may God bless you during your seven months in Iraq.

- Travel Journal - Cancun
May 2006

Home Again

I'm back - sitting out on the back porch enjoying the humidity-free evening, drinking some Earl Grey tea and thinking back on a great week.

Two photographs - that's all - because what happens in Cancun stays in Cancun.

Remembering

Swimming in lazy circles with the sun overhead we were. Idle talking and bursts of laughter from the chorus behind. Sombrero wearing lads on floaters, erupting in songs and cheers - so happy to have left the camp behind and the mosquitoes that threatened to carry them away.

Sitting on the shoreline making holes in the sand with our fingers we sat. Relaxed together and comparing notes about what our every day life was like back at home. Sand on toes and hair curled from salt spray - lips that stung from sun and wind, and smiles carried the afternoon into the evening.

"Scotland" hit his head on the bottom of the pool and made revelations that were truth in hindsight, but just a joke in the moment. Blue towels were carefully counted and returned to Jose, while the Peacock's called out to each other and signaled the approaching dinner hour. Retreats were made to rooms for showers and changing, and a red-checked shirt showed off the mark of color from the day.

Sitting on an incline on the grass you were, under a palm tree - enjoying the change of latitude. Wicker chairs and the approaching sunset called us to partake a little longer in the breezeway and the shutter of the camera clicked away, capturing the sweetness of that moment forever.

We danced together before we danced with friends. There was laughter and congo lines, sweat making circles on shirts, smiles that left trails on the corners of our eyes. Fish that swam below the dock illuminated just for you and me as we left the others behind for a while.

As we retreated into the night, I thought to myself - "This is as sweet as it gets in life." As the taxi driver turned up the music and turned the car towards "home", I closed my eyes and fixed it all in my memory. Thank you TC...

- Travel Diary, Cancun 2006

Going Away

I leave in a few hours for Cancun. I am looking forward to some downtime and some simple times with friends.

This has been a difficult week for me so I hope I can truly escape what is in my mind and heavy on my heart.

See you all next Sunday.

God bless you!!

Mellissa

Knowing

It is really hard to know something you are not supposed to know. It is difficult to stand still, to keep quiet to process and to stay on your course.

Your mind races with thoughts. The fact that you knew in your mind already the event does not make it easier in confirmation. You tell yourself not to process the image, not to deal in the emotional impact of it as you don't know the meaning or the intent. It is not yours to handle, to deal with. Yet there it is, pushing forward on you while you are pushing it back.

Besides, you already knew in your heart that it happened, the rest doesn't matter anyway. It is simply choosing where you go from here that matters.

So, Mellissa - where do you go from here? Take a deep breath and push that image back one more time. You can do it.

The Giving and Receiving of The Ring

We have long heard and recognized these words as part of the marriage ceremony as the priest or reverend blesses the bands that will be the mark of a covenant between two people. Like God's love, it is a circle, never ending.

My story is a little different. There is a Starbucks on the corner, it is a busy one in little affluent Brookhaven as there is lots of disposable income to spend $4.50 daily on a Venti Non-Fat One Splenda Latte and the parking lot and inside are always full.

On my way to my Small Group Bible study on Wednesday's, I usually drive through and order a tall coffee of the day and say hello to Ruth, the cashier that seems always to be standing in the window greeting me with the biggest smile I have ever seen. She always asks about Maggie and if I am on my way to Bible study. I like our little connection. I love her genuine smile, I love her simplistic warmth and good nature.

Friday night I stopped in to have a little something and to write emails to friends before heading home to bed and sure enough, she was there and we met standing, instead of me in the car. She immediately grabbed my hand and squeezed it before feeling my ring and pulling back to remark on it. "oooh, is that from Tiffany?" "I have wanted that ring for a while and I am trying to save up enough money to buy it." I let her try mine on and she remarked how soft the mesh was on the ring.
My order was ready and I proceeded to take my seat and type and reflect on really how lucky and blessed I am in my life. The ring that was one of my favorites was not such a big deal to me. I did not have to save up to buy it, I did not dream of owning it a year before I bought it. But she did...

In that moment it was impressed upon my heart that I was to share my gift with Ruth. That she was to have my ring, my favorite - that she was to experience the joy of receiving from the heart. I have never felt more peace than the moment I removed that ring and walked up to her with a smile and told her it was her turn to enjoy it.

She looked stunned and then started to cry and she hugged me and thanked me over and over again. I told her to pay it forward to someone in her life and how much seeing her has meant to me over the past year and what pleasure I took in sharing this symbol with her.

As I left to go home I realized that God had worked through me in the giving and receiving of the ring. It was God's way of making a covenant with Ruth. I was so happy to be the deliverer of the message!

Happy Monday everyone.
Mellissa

There Are Times

There are so many days I think about you and hope for you and ask for you before even myself. Sometimes when you have no idea, I am thinking of you and wanting your circle to be complete.

There are so many moments since I met you that your love for me penetrates the exterior frivolities of my day and I am thankful, silently that you are with me. Sometimes you have no idea that you are such a big part of me.
There are so many times that your words guide and give comfort and healing to me, love steeped in logic and care. Sometimes you don't know that I repeat those words to myself when I am unsure.

There are so many things that I want to thank you for that you don't know you have given to me. Sometimes I try to show you my thanks with a hug or a squeeze of your hand.

Kerri, thank you for all that you are and all that you give. This is my sometime to let you know that I love you - dearest friend.