Monday, April 25, 2011

You Can't Always Get What You Want


Sometimes I wonder how we get ourselves into the situations we do. What is the intangible really? What makes it almost polar in its gravitational pull?

We can rationalize it, debate it over and over in our heads, run from it, balk at it, shake our heads in the non-reality of it, yet still there it is. This beautiful, unexplainable, unshakable force that draws you in, thoughts body and soul.

I haven’t experienced this phenomenon in a long while, and most certainly not with someone who is not in a circumstance that is socially acceptable. Innocently enough, it is just two people who long to be near each other, who laugh easily in each other’s company and who look forward to daydreaming in the fertile soil of this garden of paradise.

I hate that I cannot realize this relationship or savor the sweet moments as they are supposed to be. Late night chats, secret phone calls and covert operations have taken their toll in body. Yet there he is, with me in spirit; a constant heart’s companion.

Tall and lean with curly hair that the years have tipped with slight grey. Intense eyes, dark to the core that somehow shine brightly in the darkness of the room. Gentle person with the need to be loved and anchored in a stormy sea. Romantic expressive.

I think about the generation gap that I only notice in small things like music or life experience. One is amusing, the other captivating and symphonic.

I don’t know about the grand scheme of life, or the intangible. What I do know is there is a man I am going to miss very much; until one day we cross paths again.