Cleveland

I am sitting in total silence with the exception of the click of the keypad. I am ungrateful and in many ways, very selfish. I am humbled by tonight, the eve of the day we give thanks for our blessings. You see, I just I learned a lesson - was taught a lesson. I must truly be thankful for the life God gave me and for the blessings he bestows on me endlessly, although I am not deserving.

In my final preparations for having guests tomorrow, I realized that I was missing a few ingredients needed to make a few of the dishes I was preparing in advance so I headed to the grocery store. I left my affluent neighborhood with my dog on my lap and money in my wallet. I passed mansion upon mansion on my short drive towards Peachtree Street, looking in the windows, noticing the beautiful paintings and lit driveways, gas lanterns flickering on posts by the roadside.

As I turned into the plaza where the store is, my headlights focused on a man. He looked to be my age. He had taken the lid off the trash bin next to the post office and was rummaging amongst the contents. He picked up a drink cup and swirled it to see if there was anything in there to drink. He had found something to give him a bit of relief from his thirst. The post office has been closed for hours, so I knew the contents of that cup were more than likely from lunch. Warm and tasting of Styrofoam.

As I pulled into my parking space and made my way into the market I noticed that he had moved closer to the store - to the next garbage can and was removing the lid. I went over to him. "Excuse me sir, are you hungry?" I noticed that he had found a discarded cigarette butt and was holding it between his fingers. More leftovers from another. He said yes, he was hungry. I asked him to wait for me, I told him I would return in a moment from the store and bring him something to eat. He could not look me in the eye and I could tell in that moment that he had a sweet spirit in him and that he had not looked many people in the eye for a long time.

As I went into the store, I could not remember the few items that I went there for. I walked up and down the aisles but my mind could not focus. Everything inside me was hurting - for him and the countless others that will not have this year. Not just tomorrow, but many days after. No place to sleep, no food to eat and more than likely a substance abuse problem caused by a break in their soul at some point in their lives.

There were so many people in the store, buying so much, so much. Carts overflowing. I still could not remember what I needed - but I knew what he needed, so I proceeded to the deli to buy him a rotisserie chicken and some warm macaroni and cheese. A large bottle of water, a Sprite, utensils, salt and pepper and a pack of cigarettes. No leftovers tonight. Not for him.

He was waiting still, outside the store and I sat next to him, handing him the bag. I offered my hand to him and introduced myself. He returned in kind, still not able to meet my eyes. "Hi, my name is Cleveland."

We talked for a few minutes and he began to feel comfortable and peeked inside his bag. He said nothing to me, just reached over and squeezed my hand as I got up and made my way back to the car with a weight on me of conviction. "Be thankful Mellissa, be truly thankful" was all I heard inside my heart. So tonight as I sit here, humbled and reminded what tomorrow is really about. Lesson applied.

Thank you Cleveland - God bless you and keep you.

Dreaming

I am dreaming today of Provence. Remembering all the sights and sounds.....the joy in your company; idle hours of bliss in washed in the most beautiful light. Do you remember it? Do you remember the Les Beaux Des Provence, the Provence of Provence - Les Anciens where steep cliffs hide ancient castles and cicada's hum in the the trees.

Tonight I am remembering the light and the warmth. Van Gogh loved the light in Arles and spent years painting there; my favorite, Cafe Terrace on the Place du Forum. We sat at that very cafe, just to relax and have a coffee and read the paper. It was not a history lesson to be observed, it is still a cafe to relax and enjoy. I left you there while I went to pick up the quilted bags I had made for my mother. What a beautiful memory we had had - just being, wandering around the small village while waiting towards late afternoon to drive the short distance to experience the horses of the Camargue at sunset.

The wild horses of the Camargue, a beautiful, silver white breed of horse that lives in the marshlands of the South of France alongside beautiful flamingos - there origins in this region are prehistoric. What a display it was to see them running along the marshes that lined the route from Arles to the sea coast. I will never forget that as long as I live.

As I sit here in Atlanta tonight, fighting off the chill in the air, I remember our wonderful lunch at the Oustau de Baumaniere. Three hours we sat on that beautiful patio surrounded by groves of trees that caused the light to dapple across our tabletop. Every attention to detail was evident from the hand pressed Huile de Olive to the clay birds that adorned our table. You snuck away to buy one for me - it now sits on my coffee table as a reminder of that day.

As I head inside to prepare for my evening out with friends, I will take the images of those days with me - to keep me warm, and make me smile. Steve, I will see you in Paris soon!!

IM NOT READY TO PLAY NICE

You want the "nice" Mellissa back eh? Well guess what - that is not going to happen. Just like with the last fella, you pulled the crap card one too many times and I went to the sink and washed my hands of you.

Now I am finally angry - and you know what it FEELS good! It feels so much better than the piny, pathetic girl who kept thinking the best of you and being gracious. No more wasting my time on you.

So you go on and sit out there in nowhereville, hiding behind that mask of non-committal nonchalance. I have better things to do with my life, things that won't include thoughts of you anymore.

Funny how getting mad can help you get over!

I will still be "Nice Mellissa" to those who are deserving of my kindness and generosity. You are just not one of those people who will see that side of me again.

Thoughts On A Blog

I was thinking about our conversations today, trying to remember some of the things we spoke of while we were together. I was trying to remember what it is that I remember about you so fondly.

What were the words we actually spoke to each other? What were the topics that were strung together like little pearls to make this imaginary strand that I value so much? I wonder to myself if it was the actual words you spoke that made me slowly fall in love with you, or the tone and laughter. See, that is what I remember the most about the words we spoke to each other. I remember the laughter breaking in between the words, but today I really wonder what we spoke of that filled countless hours.

When I think of you, which is often during the day, I find myself wondering how you are - how are Auburn and Jordan doing...how is your brother and mother. Does your back hurt today?

I remember so many things about you, little vignettes that I can see in my minds eye. You stand at the stove with one hand out, fingers rigid. No one else does that. You constantly have a piece of Juicy Fruit gum in your mouth and like to wear those black gym shorts around the house. You have way too many white tee shirts and a spray bottle on your sink with a bit of water in it for your hair, which you have cut much too often.

I remember Valentines Day, eating take out food in front of the fire. That was the first night I stayed in your house. I loved it there. I remember always being cold at night because I like lots of covers and you like only a sheet covering you in sleep. I loved showing up one day and noticing that you had put a small electric blanket on my side of the bed so I would be more comfortable. I guess that reminds me that February and March were still a bit cold here in Georgia. I wonder how this winter will be? I will most likely be alone here at my own home, with a featherbed and a fluffy down comforter to snuggle in....but not you next to me.

I remember the way we kissed each other, the first time and countless times after. It was magic, we were matched well even though I had to get on my tip toes to curl my hand along the back of your neck. It never mattered to me in those moments that I was not 5'9" and blond. I was the perky 5'6" brunette who loved you and showed it.

I think about the fact that we never went to the movies together at any time from January to September....that strikes me oddly enough. I do remember the High Museum and seeing Andrew Wyeth on that rainy Saturday, followed by bison burgers at Ted's. That was the day another man called me from Texas, asking me to try again - to work with him towards marriage and children. I said no to him - because my thoughts were only of you and the absolute goodness that I found in you. There was never a doubt in my mind that I only wanted to look forward...towards you.

I remember soap box derby and the playground outside the church and driving up towards the mountain ridge and the tree that peeked out from the darkness. You wanted to go back and photograph that tree - but I don't need to - you see I remember that picture vividly in my minds eye. I can see it now. The date, January 28th.

There are a few men now who want to get to know me. I don't want to let them. I don't want to try right now. I am still remembering too many things about the past. Maybe it is just taking inventory so I can move forward, but my feet and my heart don't really want to climb another mountain right now.

So as I complete this post today, and remember you - there is one thing that I can't remember...and that is exactly what the words were that made me fall so deeply in love with you.

Hiding Out for the Holidays

Hard to believe Fall is here! Everything is so beautiful in Atlanta right now with yellow being the first choice of color for most of the trees showing off for us.

I am sitting in the kitchen at my desk, looking out the front window at the leaves falling and birds hopping around looking for a bite. It is a good reminder for me to go get some seed to help them through the coming months.

I am getting ready for my next three events, one of which will take me to Geneva, Switzerland the first week of December. I have not been in Geneva since 2001, so I am looking forward to being there again and making a visit to Bucherer to see what is new in the jewelry shop that is my favorite. I will be there from December 8th to the 16th. Brrr...

After Geneva, I am headed over to Paris where I will remain until just before Christmas. It will be nice to get ready for the holidays over there, shopping for unique gifts for my family and friends and enjoying my favorite city in the world. That is my Christmas present to myself. Just being where I love. I plan on taking the Eurostar into London for a night and visiting some friends there and, of course visiting the Queen - HA HA.

All-in-all I am beginning to embrace this single stuff. My ex-husband just let me know that he had our marriage annulled and it cracked me up that the Catholic church has such convenient ways - such as the ability to say that 13 years of marriage were "null" and most likely a figment of my non-Catholic imagination!! (sorry to all the reading Catholics - no offense intended, but it is a joke in the eyes of the rest of us!). I am not angry with him, don't get me wrong. It is just more of a eye rolling and head turning slowly side to side reaction.

So, not much other news from my side and work is calling me back to attention.

I hope you all are doing well!

xoxo,
Mellissa

A Real Steal

Last night I attended a charity dinner and auction in Atlanta. It was a wonderful event to raise money for one of the places I volunteer.

You can't imagine my surprise when I saw a painting by Thomas Swanston on the silent auction display!!

I bid on it and kept checking back throughout the evening to make sure no one outbid me on the piece which I had seen last year at an exhibit at the Lowe Gallery here in Atlanta.

Thomas is a graduate from the Parson's School of design in New York, and I love the colors he uses in his work.

I am now the very proud owner of this piece, which reminds me of Fall and will hang in my bedroom for me to enjoy every day!!

A great event overall - and a big steal on this piece of art. I just love a win-win situation!

xoxo,
Bug