I was recalling a conversation I had with my mother a few months back. She and I were talking about volunteerism and how important giving back to others is. I had gone through a little rough patch the past few months, and was pretty down on myself. My mother reminded me that it is hard to feel sorry for yourself when you are busy helping others. It is sometimes necessary to take the attention you are giving yourself away from yourself and give it to another.
So I made a decision that I had been pondering over for a few months and gave someone a "yes" answer. I was scared to death when I said it out loud, and was teary for half the day that I was due to begin my volunteering. I was afraid and I was not worthy. I was about to face myself head-on and know that I have never experienced pain like they had, and that my sadness was just a spoiled girls pity party. You see, they know pain - I merely know disappointment.
The sad truth is that every year, the Department of Family and Children's Services removes thousands of children from unhealthy homes. Most people believe that they just go to Foster Homes and that is the end of it. Do you ever think about the children that are so horribly abused that they cannot function in a normal environment? I had not. There are children who are abused physically or sexually over many years by parents or protectors. These children do not understand the idea of "home" as their homes were their torture chambers, not their protected spaces. It is a horrific truth. It humbles me and brings me to tears.
You see, these children need special care. They need intensive therapy. They need reinforcement of what a healthy adult relationship looks like. They need to have gender identity, they need love, they need stability. If you say you will be there - you must be there...for everyone else in their lives let them down. I have decided to be there for as long as it takes.
I have a group of 14 children between the ages of 12 & 17 who have asked for someone to come and talk to them about faith, about God, about love. They needed someone to pray with them and help them understand. I was asked to be that someone. It took me two months to say yes. A large part of that is because of the untimely death of Teri Niles this year. For those of you who know me, you know how painful and significant that passing was to me.
So, in turn - I would like to ask each of you that stop by to read, to say a prayer for me, or send positive thoughts my way when you meditate or have your quiet time. I sure could use the re-enforcement as this is a pretty tough crowd. No more thinking about me....and my disappointments. I am a lucky girl. I have never known true hurt in my life.
Thanks all.
Mellissa
4 comments:
You have mine. :) For 7 years I dealt with at-risk youth and I know first hand that what you are doing will make a vast difference in their lives.
That's a tougher crowd than I ever have to deal with. I HAVE found that a majority of them are great kids though, when given a chance. Good luck, good vibes and prayers are being sent your way!
True what you said Mellissa.
I have a friend who happened to volunteer directly after her divorce. Without noticing it, concentrating on her volunteer work took her mind away from herself and her pain. From what she tells me, it opens up your eyes and heart to the suffering around and renders you very humble.
Sending prayers your way :)
Bright blessings coming your way, Melissa! What an amazing experience it will be for both you and them! You have SO much to share....and so do they!
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