I am home in Atlanta again. It feels good to be among my things; three levels of memories and familiar textures. The photographs are of those who love me and have a history with me.
Evan is fast asleep on my bed under the quilt my mom made for him. I love him more than I knew possible in this world. He is my family.
I have an opportunity for work so I have returned home to interview on Monday and Nana is coming tomorrow to see her little one. I know she has been so sad to be away from us both although she would never admit it to me, lest it somehow make things harder when I make decisions about my life. She is amazing in that way.
I am interviewing for practice and in hope that I will be able to work again, to rebuild my life and to help myself now that I am able. I would not turn down the opportunity, because I feel that doing so would be a slap to all those who have so generously supported me financially during my pregnancy and for these months after Evan's birth.
I am so truly grateful to have had those people in my life, to have survived and paid my bills each month, to buy beautiful things for Evan, to make a home for him, to buy his food and supplies. It is time to step off the edge now with confidence and hope, to know that God has a plan and that he will open the doors that are meant for me to pass through. I have given it over to him, I asked him to take the wheel and to lead me in the areas that will provide the best I can for Evan and for myself.
I want to be happy and fulfilled so I can be a great mother, I want to support myself and Evan; to know that he is secure with me to provide for his needs. I don't want to be down to my last dollar soon and be only focused on that and the pressures of life without a job to provide for us - so I have returned to Atlanta to see if my life is supposed to continue here, or if my life is to be lived elsewhere.
I just have to trust and to bone up now. It is time to stand on my own two feet and see where life takes me.
Wish me luck and if you are inclined to pray, I wouldn't mind you adding me in there somewhere ;-) I need all the help I can get!
xoxo,
Bug
7 comments:
Godspeed, Mellissa. My prayers are with you and Evan.
I miss you already...
Good luck with the interview. I only want God's will for you and Evan.
I love you both!
Did I tell you that I miss you? Wow... I REALLY MISS YOU!!! I didn't know you were leaving... I wanted to share a glass of merlot this weekend... I am so sad... I am so selfish... I miss you so much... I miss Evan so much... I keep wiping the tears away... I KNOW I am selfish, but I miss my friend... I love you, Mellissa...
I love you, sweet Mellissa...
Hmmm. Boston's beautiful in the springtime.. :)
Kidding. :) Yes, change and uncertainty is scary - but also exciting because you never know just what opportunity awaits you. A year from now, you'll look back on this stage in your life and it will all make sense, because you will more than likely be in a completely different - but good place.
Prayers for you and Evan as you begin this new journey, Mellissa. It will all work out the way it is supposed to...truly.
I remember when I was a single mother, walking around the mall one evening saying to myself, "It's going to be ok...I'm going to be ok." It was...and I am. And so it will be for you, too.
Blessings.
never forget that God has the plan for you even if you don't understand it right now.
But I will pray for you and Evan all the same.
Blessings,
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