It is such a long drive to and from work. Not so much in the sense that I mind the distance, but moreover the amount of time it gives me to think about things. I have 2 hours each day alone in the car and it seems that about 50 minutes are spent in each direction thinking about Tom. My heart misses him and expresses it to my soul in a longing, memory-filled way, to which my head issues a strong retort and reminder that he left me after 5 months to return to his past. I was not what made him truly happy, and it would never be the same even if he did return. It's a hard tennis match of a dynamic to sit though two times a day, every day.
I try to focus on the negative things about him, which I will not go into in this medium, as a measuring stick of why we aren't good together. I also tell myself that I want someone who is just emotionally in a good place, is a happy person, and who can be supportive of me and my dreams, not so much the other way around.
I hope eventually this process works for me and my head wins out in the end. After all, there are a lot of commutes ahead of me and I would just like to have a little "radio silence" if you know what I mean.
xoxo,
LB
2 comments:
When you want to break the cycle of thought, look for the colors of the rainbow, or count how many red cars you see on the road. It helps break the cycle of repetitive thought. I had to learn that myself to stop obessing in an area with no short term solution. Long term, good luck I hope that your heart and mind can be in peace together. Lance
Thanks Lance!
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