Honesty

I am sitting her tonight totally frustrated. I feel like throwing something and I would do it if I didn't have to clean up the mess afterwards.

A couple of weeks ago I threw my Blackberry across the house and the release felt great till I realized that I might have broken it - although I hate that phone it managed to still work just fine when I put it back together. I laughed at myself and Maggie just stared at me like I had lost my mind.

It is hard to be frustrated with no outlet. I wish I had a punching bag installed in the house cause right now I would go over and beat the hell out of it. I feel to measured and too careful and it is not natural. I don't know what to do about it and will talk to David on Tuesday about how I feel. Is it obvious that I just need to cut and run or am I within an unrealistic timeframe to expect something more? Because I do expect something more...in a lot of areas.

Since there are no good answers for me right now, I think I will just go to bed and hope I don't have that stupid blind girl dream again. Oh, and I might beat the hell out of my pillow just for good measure.