There is a Love

I am sitting at my desk this morning before heading off to work. Jim Brickman is playing on the stereo and the melodies have stirred a set of heart feelings that are so deep inside of me.

There is a love, like no other on earth that has entered my life. It seems that all my thoughts and the direction of my heart and my life are for Evan Samuel. When he is away from me, my heart aches and the hours inch by until I can hold him again, until I can see that smile and those beautiful cornflower blue eyes.

This time last year I was carrying him inside of me, so safe and cozy. I was voluptuous and round, he gave me a sense of womanhood and the bond was already there between he and I. I knew him before I knew his face. It reminds me so much of the love that God has for me and how he truly must want my happiness and peace. The love he has for me was manifested in the greatest way through the gift of my son.

When people ask me what I want for Christmas, I simply tell them the truth - that I long for nothing; I need nothing. I have been given the greatest treasure of unmeasurable worth. My gift is renewable with each day, my gift has value far above material things. He is a true light and a precious miracle. He is truly the absolute love of my life.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Evan through the confirmation of a blood test. I pulled over on the side of the road and I prayed. I made a promise to God to care for this child, to keep him safe, to make sure he knew about God's love and grace and that I would be there for him each day of his life. I did not know the challenges that were awaiting me, I did not know the depths of the testing that God would put me through in receiving this miracle.

What I can say on this day is that I am a work in progress, that I have a deep sense of what is right, that I have a value system that compels me to put my son ahead of myself, even when the going gets tough and the days are lonely. So each night, as I lay my head down, my prayer is for my son. I pray for his health and safety, for his wellbeing and happiness and for the hours to pass quickly until I hold him again and see that beautiful smile.

So now I am off to work, and 8 hours until my miracle and the love of my life is scooped up in Mommy's arms and showered with kisses and hugs. Thank you God - for loving and trusting me with Evan Samuel. I hope I make you proud.