Saturday, December 31, 2005

Would You Reach for Me?

I really am at the end of my tether. I am at my breaking point and I don't know what to do. I am so tired.

I am so lonely right now you have no idea. Unfortunately it is not something that can be helped or avoided or sugar coated. I am hurting. I am tearful, I feel very foolish and stupid in general. I am embarrassed at tying to be somewhere where I was not wanted. The weight of this is larger than I though and the pain is much wider - I keep trying to get my arms around it but I cant.

So no rah-rah- post from me today. I just don't have any goodness inside of me. Being violently ill and alone with no one to help you took the last of it. I wondered to myself. Would you reach for me. And in the back of my head I knew the answer. No, because I just don't matter - and I never did.

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