Thoughts On A Blog

I was thinking about our conversations today, trying to remember some of the things we spoke of while we were together. I was trying to remember what it is that I remember about you so fondly.

What were the words we actually spoke to each other? What were the topics that were strung together like little pearls to make this imaginary strand that I value so much? I wonder to myself if it was the actual words you spoke that made me slowly fall in love with you, or the tone and laughter. See, that is what I remember the most about the words we spoke to each other. I remember the laughter breaking in between the words, but today I really wonder what we spoke of that filled countless hours.

When I think of you, which is often during the day, I find myself wondering how you are - how are Auburn and Jordan doing...how is your brother and mother. Does your back hurt today?

I remember so many things about you, little vignettes that I can see in my minds eye. You stand at the stove with one hand out, fingers rigid. No one else does that. You constantly have a piece of Juicy Fruit gum in your mouth and like to wear those black gym shorts around the house. You have way too many white tee shirts and a spray bottle on your sink with a bit of water in it for your hair, which you have cut much too often.

I remember Valentines Day, eating take out food in front of the fire. That was the first night I stayed in your house. I loved it there. I remember always being cold at night because I like lots of covers and you like only a sheet covering you in sleep. I loved showing up one day and noticing that you had put a small electric blanket on my side of the bed so I would be more comfortable. I guess that reminds me that February and March were still a bit cold here in Georgia. I wonder how this winter will be? I will most likely be alone here at my own home, with a featherbed and a fluffy down comforter to snuggle in....but not you next to me.

I remember the way we kissed each other, the first time and countless times after. It was magic, we were matched well even though I had to get on my tip toes to curl my hand along the back of your neck. It never mattered to me in those moments that I was not 5'9" and blond. I was the perky 5'6" brunette who loved you and showed it.

I think about the fact that we never went to the movies together at any time from January to September....that strikes me oddly enough. I do remember the High Museum and seeing Andrew Wyeth on that rainy Saturday, followed by bison burgers at Ted's. That was the day another man called me from Texas, asking me to try again - to work with him towards marriage and children. I said no to him - because my thoughts were only of you and the absolute goodness that I found in you. There was never a doubt in my mind that I only wanted to look forward...towards you.

I remember soap box derby and the playground outside the church and driving up towards the mountain ridge and the tree that peeked out from the darkness. You wanted to go back and photograph that tree - but I don't need to - you see I remember that picture vividly in my minds eye. I can see it now. The date, January 28th.

There are a few men now who want to get to know me. I don't want to let them. I don't want to try right now. I am still remembering too many things about the past. Maybe it is just taking inventory so I can move forward, but my feet and my heart don't really want to climb another mountain right now.

So as I complete this post today, and remember you - there is one thing that I can't remember...and that is exactly what the words were that made me fall so deeply in love with you.